12:23AM
I just woke up from a heavy sleep, deep in a dream where I was making a YouTube video. I was high up in a tree, leaning all my weight against one branch, trying to lever it between it and another, so I could not come loose and fall the terrible distance from the ground. I even thought of what I would do to try to effectively black myself out should I come lose, or at least relax myself and ignore the coming collision with the earth, so I would feel it as little as possible, and not die in the anticipation of it. Relax, breath, close my eyes, and just be. There is no drop. There is no ground. There is just me, and we will see what is next. And after that. But the branch I had all my weight on with my left leg, and only the lower portion at that, was shearing in half under the strain of trying to hold me. It did not matter the branch above and wedging my leg between them if the one below were to give out. And then, as suddenly as a loud crack and the beginning of a drop, I found myself awake, heavy as a crash, but on my bed, wondering what really woke me since none of the cracking and falling had happened. That is certainly my last YouTube video of me climbing a tree.
12:32AM
Going to try to fall asleep again.
7:30AM
Slept the rest of the night through. Maybe this dream was my mind telling me I am afraid to do a YouTube channel. Then you know what that means? Get to it! Hey, it is another way to make a little money while I am at home, and that beats crap out of going out for it. So maybe I should try. It is the only way to stop bad dreams. Or at least to change them. Why should I put up with bad dreams of failure over something I am not even trying at? If life is going to be bad in any way, then I would like to know I at least worked for it and earned it. Look, there is time in the mornings in the cold season to do editing and such, and when it is too hot, that could be during the too hot part of the day. So there is no valid excuse that it takes too much time. There is always a time of the day when I would rather be hiding from the weather. It’s just the silly making of the footage that is, well, strange. But I did that time late last year when I practiced at not talking stupid to the camera and making more like it is a person there, rather than a tiny little device. (I’m just not from the generation that is comfortable talking to a tiny little device. Especially one that does not even have someone else’s face on it responding.)
January 29th. Where do the days go? You know, the middle of my decade will be here after a short while. I remember when I started my venture into the 50’s and thought about that, and how I would soon be in the middle. Well, here it comes! I wonder to myself if I am where I wanted to be by now, or if I am messing about too much. I think I am messing about toto much. Some people are stuck in jobs they hate and doing that instead of living their dreams. I think I am close enough to living my dreams by virtue of not being stuck in that hate job that I need to just nudge myself. So, dear self, the middle of the decade is on its way.
Right, time to end this and get ready for the day upon us. I tried GrubHub this morning. There is a waitlist in Logan, and that is 20 miles from here with a university in it. I don’t want to fight that waitlist only to be in a slot that could better serve some college kid trying to pay for school. So, I won’t press on with that one from here. Light up the two apps I do use for the day and see what comes. DoorDash has provided a very few dollars. Uber has not even behaved as though it were connected to the Internet. That one is doing nothing but taking up battery and bandwidth. Gonna try going to Logan and seeing if it lights up while I am there later this week. Then maybe I can get some jobs. If that works out, then maybe it is time to GrubHub, too. Yeah, on with my day. Apps on, woodshop work, and some firewood.