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Optimism for a Fuller Life

Posted on October 14, 2026 by Kelsey

I don’t feel as good this morning as I did yesterday, but I am pretty sure it is something to do with popcorn lathered in butter and covered with salt that I ate before bed last night. Again with the no bone pain, which is astounding. THis genuinely feels life changing. One of my daughters looked up the condition I had before surgery, and she read out some of the symptoms, and one section included the statement “slowly sucking the joy out of your life.” I have apparently had this for a long time, and the joy has been gone for as long. I cannot remember not feeling a deep abiding pain that I could not shake, and that always slowed me down. To feel ‘normal’ is to feel like I spent 55 years of my life being robbed, and shorted on everything. But to really confirm this, I need to do some things, and experience some things that would have slowed me before, and that I should have been able to do all these years. One in particular is my photography.

Yes, even my photography feels like it ihas suffered. Why? Because I like good cameras, and good cameras are often very heavy. Be it my Hassalblad 503CW, or my Nikon D850, those camersa have weighed a lot. But both are able ot capture detail in the images that none of my other cameras throughout the years have been able to. I remember my first shots with the Hasselblad. I took a picture of a girl and when I got the negatives back and scanned them at high resolution, I looked at her eyes, and in them I could see the building behind me when I took the image, and the car parked in front of it, and the oulines of the grass, and a fence. They all appeared in such detail in someone who’s waist up portrait took up less than a third of the image space on the negative. Then there is the D850. A full frame sensor at 45MP, mounted behind some of the best glass in the world, and it does essentially the same.

Well, these cameras are both made with a metal chassis, and in particular the case of the Nikon, it is fully loaded with electronics and both weigh a hell of a lot, especially with their massive lenses with superior elements. I have always begun to hurt from the moment I have lifted either of these cameras. I mean this from a guy who begins to hurt when he is wearing more than just one shirt, such as GAP style layering, or a even jacket. As things have been clearing up for me in that realm, I have to wonder if I can now carry the camera more easily to go out shooting with it? Will it be okay to try to haul a second lens?

It has hurt to just lift the camera, making even shooting portraits difficult, and carrying to s shoot or hiking to a location with a camera has been all but impossible. Go back to 2006, when I first started this blog, and you will see I was shooting from rail journeys and on bike rides. Well, that is because I hated carrying the camera, and needed to mount it on my bike rack just to be able to have it with me. I mean, to really illustrate my level of pain in all this, I have not even been able to put my cellphone in the front pocket of my shirt without it weighing down and hurting my spine.

I’m going to recover from this buttery popcorn by eating some decent food today, then maybe this evening or this weekend I will try hauling my camera around a bit here at the house, and see how it goes. I’ll know. It really has always been that bad.

So the question is, am I going to stay where I am at in life now? Or do I take this new found lease on life and get after my dreams? Of course I do!

Brain fog has been another issue symptom of my issue, and I cannot say I have lived life without it. I have always hurt for memory. There is a reason I know history in generalities, and cannot remember specific dates, and why my own expertise in anything has always been limited to the same kind of generalities. I don’t feel like I have ever been a complex thinker. Then again, there are some levels of complexity to which I think it is a waste of time going into the weeds after, or down the rabbit hole chasing. But I am still waiting to see if the brain fog clears and anything changes, or if I am just stupid. Probably that. Be it whatever on that score, I will not be distracted by the constant low level hurt anymore, so even if there is no difference on by brain fog and thinking, there will be less distraction, and that is extremely promising.

To say this moment in life has been nothing short of miraclous is short of how it feels. I keep expecting my shoulders to start hurting, my spine to radiate pain, arms to want to fall into a resting position and feel like they are pulling me down. But instead, I keep feeling nothing. Not even a twinge in my internal organs! Has life really been taking this much from me?

When Jordan was here yesterday I took a short turn on the log splitter, and nothing of it bothered me, or left me feeling wanting. Instead it was lift the log, split the log, throw the pieces, and lift the next one without any of the drag of sore knees, hurting joints in my elbows, shoulders, and wrists, or my hips and back making me feel like everyting wieghs twice as much as it does.

So, where do I go from here? The house needs work. The photography wants love. Wood wants working. My world needs cleaning up, and the idea of keeping up with it should not be so damned challenging. I also need to lose weight, and I need to be more fit. I need to eat well! Better than I did last night! Generally, that’s not hard, and I even feel motivated for it as I feel better. I don’t know to what extent I should try to exercise some, or just rely on increased activity?

But yeah, I genuinely feel that much better these past few days. My body is probably still adapting to the lower calcium in my blood. In a couple of more weeks, I should know. I’ll need to do some more blood tests to see where I am on things like my cholesterol.

Anyway, here I am. Things are different. The joy does not feel like it is being slowly sucked out of my life anymore. But I don’t just want to be bouyant. I want to lift off, and fly. I need to be cautious to not think I can do more than I really can, and I need to adjust slowly. Adapting to new capabilities must be cautious, so I don’t harm myself trying to do more than I can.

Yeah, I want to change just about everything, including posting in my blogs and such, and photgraphing and working my wood hobby into some kind of business, too. But the first thing I need to do is get myself into the condition to do all of this, so a little more activity in my life.

Sorry, this is all about me, me, me. I have a family, too. One of whome will be out here with us soon. And I am excited about that!

I feel so optimistic! It has been hard for me to feel that way for years now. How could I when everything has felt so hard to do? I suppose i fI had felt like this from a young age, I would have taken it for granted. Not taking it for granted is why I am gushing about it now. On the other hand, I think I could have done so much more with my life had I not been constantly fighting the obstacle all these years. If I had not been bound with a millstone, I may have done better in my career, with my education, with building the wealth I needed to care for my family better. I hate that this has come so late in life, but I am so glad it has come. I never knew there was a problem that was curable. I fell for the propaganda that I was a lesser person because I could not keep up with the pack.

I don’t want to jump the gun, and I hope what I am feeling is real, and it is permanant. It feels it. I hope I don’t screw it up by injuring myself trying to do something a 55 year old just can’t. I hope I can quickly pace myself into a new life. Well, not a new life, but the one I am living, only fuller. Much fuller.

Even as a young child, pre-ten years old, I was hurting, and unable to play as hard as the other kids did. So much has been robbed from me.

Posted in Catastrophe & Disaster, Cycling, Philosophical, Photography, Special Update | Leave a comment

Day 12 – Feeling…

Posted on October 13, 2026 by Kelsey

Good! I think this morning was so strange. I woke up at 4:30 to asnwer nature’s call, and then woke up again at 5:45, and decided to just lay there and wait for the 6:15 alarm. During that time, I observed that there was nothing at all that hurt or was sore anywhere in my body. No muscle pains, no bone pains, no organs anywhere hurtning for some unknown reason. I’ve no idea how long this is going to last, so my goal for today is to live it and enjoy it! I cannot remember a time in my whole life that I have ever felt this good. I hate that I have gone 55 years till I have felt this, and yet am so grateful to feel it! And I am obviously suspicious of it, like it is going to all be taken back in a minute, which is why I feel such an urgent need to enjoy this!

Even when I was a young child of seven or so, I had leg cramps all the time. As I got older, there was a pain I could not identify that just made me feel as though living just hurt, and I could not do anything with vigor. Running in gym class was impossible. I tried a job in a factory when I was 21, and I lasted all of four days. Besides the work being inane, it was cold and painful, and I could not keep the pace or work accurately. There has never been work I have been involved in where I did not suffer from the pains within. Especially on my feet because of deep hip pain, leg pain, foot pain, and especially lower back pain. And added all up, it has been absolutely exhausting!

It is strange that I feel none of it. I did not know how it felt to feel like this. My hobbies, woodworking, photography, and my personal life, especially shopping, have all been done with reservation because of pain. I worked in the shop yesterday. I did the day before, too. Yet this morning I feel none of it! It is so strange!

This morning our oldest is already down to the house, visiting with his mom and waiting for a clearing in the weather, or maybe already outside splitting firewood. I wish I was at home helping him

Early evening has come and I went home after I made $95 by 2PM. The app tried to get me to do an 11+ mile trip for less than $5. Well, that’s my que to skidaddle.

I found our Jordan working with his wife at the log splitter in the Service Yard. After catching up with Missus, I helped them load the truck and split more wood. They got in about 3/4 of a cord, and their little one picked her pumpkins for Halloween. They only took two, a medium and a relatively small one. Perfect for their little one. They did not want to save seeds for next year, but I reminded them they can always roast the seeds for a snack, too. Jordan kind of liked that idea a little better, but I doubt they will. They have busy lives.

We have a small fire in the woodstove. Jordan left us with quite a lot more wood than we had started with on the split pile. We still have a lot out in the woodyard, and a lot in the trailer. So he thinks we may already have enough for both houses. I remain skeptical, but I also really cannot afford to run out. And if this winter turns out to be very cold, then we will really need the wood! So I am cautious. What’s more, the wood is old and very dry, but also a little rotten, so it will burn faster. I’d really love to get fresher wood and season it myself after it is split, but one has to account that such wood would be much heavier and harder to handle.

I got the girls from their bus stop just after the Warners left, and we got our outside chores done. Now everyone is preparing a DIY supper. I am not particularly hungry, so I will wait.

I am still not in any kind of pain. I am still in shock. I did not expect this kind of day. If this keeps up, I need to really get in the habit of living more fully! That is not something I am accustomed to.

Posted in Catastrophe & Disaster, Delivery Jobs, Family Activities, Family Time, Firewood, Journal Entry, Special Update, The Farm | Leave a comment

Nine – October Tenth

Posted on October 10, 2026 by Kelsey

Yesterday was pretty good. My neck is still sore on the scar. It almost feels like there is a sausage under my skin where the scar material is at. That part feels numb when I touch it. Otherwise, I really cannot tell I had surgery. Well, I can tell. I felt so much better yesterday than I have my whole life, I think. I went through the day with no bone pains at all of any kind. I mean, even after working around the house with my family, then after working from afternoon to evening. If this is what ‘normal’ feels like to others, then they are operating with an unfair advantage over me. I felt better after removing bread from my diet, in the sense that most of the pain was gone, but there always lingered a sort of limit to how long I could tolerate being on my feet, in the form of more of a tiredness than a pain. Yesterday I felt as good at the end of the day as I did the beginning.

I have definitely felt a change in my metabolism. I am giving an effort to not eat out of habit, but to operate on what I am hungry for. Removing the Parathyroid glands is meant to reduce insulin resistance, and I am trying to stick with what my body needs, and hopefully lose a bit of visceral fat, and weight. That can only be healthier for me. I am tired of carrying around a belly.

Between the stupid gland removal and the CPAP, I am at the moment feeling better than I have ever in my adult life. I’d love to have spent all my years feeling like this! I think I would have accomplished much more my whole life. That’s depressing. But I am just going to take as much as I can out of every day. Take more while I can have more.

I finished the chimney cleaning yesterday. Lit the woodstove of all the old mail that was piled into it over the summer and then cleared out all of the ash. Today I need to clean the glass and clean up the cast iron shelves next to the firebox. I am thinking I am going to do something about the wood that is the floor of the firewood bunk. I don’t have enough boiled linseed oil to totally plane it down and refinish it. Well, maybe I do, just. I guess I will find out. I am just reluctant because that bottle I have cost me something like $35 back when I bought it. It is useful! I hate to run out when I cannot really afford to replace it. But replace it I must! It is a need. Everything I make in the woodshop gets it on it.

I covered the hay ready for the wind and the rain and gave the goats and llamas enough from the old bale to keep them in hay all day yesterday and today. (It’s 4:30AM as I write this.) I’ll probably put them in some corn stalks later.

Tomorrow is going to be very rainy! If i am going to work, I will NEED to replace that bad wiper on the right side of the car. We are in for a deluge. I may not even go to work. It is promising to be very bad. I am not sure how this much rain is going to be processed in our mountains, and how that will all pour down into the valley.

It is amazing to see how Hurricane Isaias just hit Florida, and is moving inland, Tropical Storm Rachel is moving north towards California now, and what’s that cyclonic action down there at Mexico? Three storms after North America all at once! And that hat up there in Canada is the Jet Stream, which Rachel is expected to collide with around where we live, making who knows what? But there’s that, and cold temperatures with it.

I am expecting to lose power. Ours is really reliable. But this is potentially too much for it, so it is best to prepare. That is one of the good things about having the woodstove ready to operate. Still have cooking available to us. I have two Jackery batteries that still need to have a top up charge. Just in case. So we are at that, some cleaning, some bringing in of firewood, and covering some outside where possible. I’d probably do well to put all the wood on its side outside where the rounds are, to keep them from soaking in water on the end grain. I asked the kids to stack the firewood that got split by Jordan when he was down last. I don’t think they are going to get to that. I’d like to clean up the tools out the front door, so they are not getting poured on, and the little bit of wood there, alleviating the trip hazards. The tractor has fuel. It needs an oil change. Money, money, money.

There is a lot of preparing in preparing. I never did find that can of tar to go around the chimney in the pantry. That’s a bummer. I don’t know where it went. I have looked in every outbuilding. Running out of time now! Going to have to just catch the water as it pours into the house. That’s not good. Not good at all. At least it is real wood up there at the ceiling and will hold up better than any of the stupid synthetic materials or drywall they use now-a-days.

I need to go pick up $80 for the hay man today when I go into work. He sure does us a favor by keeping us in hay and handling it at his, so we don’t have to store it. The bale he delivered yesterday was light. The tractor lifted it with ease. I think that’s why it cost us less. Grassy. The animals might not like it as much as they do their alfalfa, but a couple of those goats could do with the diet.

I accepted a ‘Friend Request’ from my first wife’s niece, Noelle, a bit ago this morning. She was just a kid last I saw her. But she is also the one that made the difference in my child contacting me. I’d like to thank her for that. She told mine that she remembered me taking her aside as she was starting middle school and talking to her about how she is going to be okay, and that everyone is starting with her and feeling the same feelings of fear and insecurity. I remember that conversation. I hated seeing her terrified of her first day and wanted her to be okay. Turns out she remember is too, and it countered the narrative my Autumn had been fed all her life that I hated children. So, Autumn got in touch. We have been talking daily since, for what? Three months now? That’s been fantastic! And I owe it all to Noelle for breaking that brick out of the wall.

Well, it is just after 5AM now. Guess I better put me on some Heather Cox Richardson, and get me some shuteye, hopefully after I hear at least most of the broadcast. Not like last night when I fell right to sleep after putting her on.

Posted in Catastrophe & Disaster, Delivery Jobs, Family Time, Firewood, Journal Entry, Politics, Special Update, The Farm, Weather | Leave a comment

Storm’s A Coming

Posted on October 9, 2026 by Kelsey

There is a tropical storm lingering south of California, out to sea basically even at the moment with the southern tip of Baja California. It is moving northward, and the weather service has created a cone of uncertainty that takes the storm track right over Utah, with the storm spilling out of it right onto us. Utah is preparing for a lot of flooding to come this weekend, and is especially concerned about burn scar regions, and the damage that will bring. Rightfully so.

I hear western North Carolina is still cleaning up from hurricane Helene.

I don’t know what flooding could bring here. We sit on a sort of shelf that at last rests high in the valley. The only thing I can really identify as being above us is the up valley, which gets sort of divided from us as a path by the little top of the sand hill, and seems to want to carry down the Bear River, rather than so much across our place. However, our little shelf has an old pool behind us on the way to the top of that sand hill. It was once drained, but still remained a collection point, and though it has been a very dry season, and the frogs cannot be heard there, the amount of rain forecast could fill it up fast. I am not confident that any of the drainage works properly at this point.

This will be a good time to take notes. I am not sure how the ground swell will affect the basement. I do know how the raising of the water table will. Will there be flooding outside? Is there anything that can be done for our animals to improve their situation? Our ten-day forecast shows the rain falling from Saturday night till Wednesday Night. The most is expected Sunday through Tuesday. But no day expects more than a third of an inch, except Sunday, which calls for 1.32 inches. That is the day to really hunker down. That’s the finger of God Day for us. The rest is normal rain event, compounding the Sunday issues. Wow! Reading that, looking at it on the forecast, it looks really scary.

Will it even be safe to try to work on that day, not knowing how things will go across the valley with water flow? Should I be at home to reinforce the house? Will there be wind and lightning with this event? Too many unanswered questions! What should I be doing today to prepare for this? Will the power stay on?

Patch the roof

Charge the Jackery batteries

Clean the bottom of the chimney pipe and clear the woodstove

Bring in firewood

Cover firewood

Have hay delivered. Cover it. (Have sent a request)

Check the lanterns are all ready.

Windows closed and sealed shut

Tractor outfitted to be useful, box blade on. Bucket on.

I’ll think about this all some more and get help from the rest of the family when everyone is up. Not going to race into work early this morning. Instead, going to get to work on this stuff. Sheesh! We are in for it!

What am I missing? A lot, I know!

Posted in Catastrophe & Disaster, Delivery Jobs, Family Activities, Firewood, Journal Entry, Special Update, The Farm, Weather | Leave a comment

Seven – Evening

Posted on October 8, 2026 by Kelsey

I went to work today for a few hours after dropping the girls off for their bus, till about 2PM. After that, I was pretty much done. I did not feel horrible, but I felt tired. So, I cut off and got milk and half and half and went home. Missus and I did some work that she wanted, then looked for a tool that we did not find, and then I took a rest.

I got pretty excited this evening when Missus said she wanted to build some shelves over her bathtub and she needed some wood pieces. I checked the shop and found four pieces that would glue up to the two shelves she needs. So, I got to work with the hand planes and got them together. I have decided that the best purpose of a fore plane, which everyone on YouTube describes as something like either a universal plane, or a subdued scrub plane, is really to be a roughing plane for the edges. See, the extra with of a 5 1/2, is enough to plane two 3/4 inch boards side by side. Perfect for preparing the crazy roughness into something ready for a proper jointer like the number 8. My 8 is so sharp that the plane cut the wood like butter. But the rough cut on the wood wanted a thicker cut by the fore plane before getting to that buttery smooth cut of the 8.

Tomorrow or the next day when I get to them again, I will scrub plane the faces, then do a number 5, followed by the smoother. I plan to cut an edge off each, then use it for a lip, if missus approves, to keep things from falling off the shelves onto her when she is in the bath.

Resting a little early tonight, then one of my daughters is coming to work with me tomorrow.

Remember, you are never too old to fall over your dreams.

Posted in Family Activities, Family Time, Journal Entry, Woodshop | Leave a comment

Seven – Back To Work

Posted on October 8, 2026 by Kelsey

I went to the doctor’s appointment yesterday, and got me post-op evaluation, and consultation. I was told that of the parathyroid glands, two were slightly enlarged, and he removed those, and that my interoperative calcium level dropped to something in the low 9 range. I’d be tested that day, and again in three months. I asked what happens if the calcium levels do not continue downward, and he started to answer, then abruptly said, well, at that point we would go in a different direction. It hardly takes any work at all to see that other causes could be at play, such as kidney, lung, or pituitary cancers. I had the blood test done yesterday and the result was 10.6 in a range that tops out at 10.8, so “mildly elevated.”

My goal is to live my best life now. No matter what the longer prognosis is, I need to live as well as possible, just because, for example, today is my last Thursday, October 8th, 2026. I won’t get another one. And one never knows when it is their last October 8th, or their last Thursday, anyway,

No, I don’t trust this. I just don’t. I want to. I want to so badly. I want this to be a moment of permanent improvement on my way to my 103rd birthday. I feel good. My bone pain is gone today. I feel good all over, apart from a sense of doom, and concern that my calcium levels should be lower, rather than higher a few days after surgery. 10% of patients will have a bump, so I need to see how this goes. But my logical mind does not accept that things are just great yet.

Alright, so after the doctor’s appointment and a nap, and some really good time just hanging about with my wife, and helping her with some things where I can, I got down into the cellar and finally got a firsthand look at the place. It was not as bad as I expected it to be. It is a real Hellhole, but I honestly expected it to be in worse shape than it was. I changed a lightbulb down there and then got to work on the clogged pipe from the kitchen drain.

There is a rubber boot connecting a plastic drainpipe to a metal one, and at that point, it is a change in size. It also is a slight low point, as a proper continuous drop is not possible there. I took the hose clamps off both ends and fairly easily slide it down the metal, smaller pipe. Right away I could see the whole pipe was blocked there with hard grease and such. The kitchen sink is two basins that were half full of water, and nothing was coming at first. I hit it with the end of the snake, which pushed into and through the clog, then pulled it out with when I pulled it back, and it and all that water came pouring out rapidly. Did not smell great, and I got hit with a bit before I was fully out of the way. Then I went in the other direction, as that one was obviously cleaned out now. The smaller pipe took a little more work as I pushed the snake end all the way into it and to the point where it reaches the main pipe that goes then into the septic system. Pulled it out and some little bit of debris and put the pipes back together. Missus then poured some boiling water down the drain to wash it fully clear.

Next steps include actually doing what I have a monthly alarm set for, which is to pour boiling water down the drain in a large quantity, and push any built up grease along and into the septic system. In a perfect world, there would be no grease, but come on. We cook. No matter how hard I have tried, some has gone down. So that chore is mandatory. I believe the grease goes down loose, but hardens in the pipe as it cools, and tends to stick to the top and build up, till eventually a bit of food comes down the pipe at the bottom and catches under that build up and clogs the pipe abruptly.

I honestly think I can smell that dirty kitchen sink water, even though I have showered and done all my laundry. It is that bad of a smell. Maybe I don’t smell it, and maybe my calcium levels are not something I should be worrying about!

I will be in work today after I drop the girls off for their school bus. Let’s see how this goes!

Posted in Catastrophe & Disaster, Delivery Jobs, Family Activities, Family Time, Journal Entry, Special Update | Leave a comment

Shuck-A-Corn

Posted on October 6, 2026 by Kelsey

Missus and I got about half of the corn shucked today. What we finished is airing on the kitchen counter, ready for freezing in some chicken bags I have not yet got to. But before cobs are bagged up, the girls want corn for supper, so they get to pick their ears, then help bag up what’s left and put it in the freezer.

When I say we sghucked half, bear in mind that some of it was put aside for seed because of catapillars or because it had not formed as neatly as what we put up for freezing. So even what is pictured is not really half of the corn!

I don’t need to explain how exciting it is to grow our own food successfully, and how good it tastes. That is pretty much a given, especially if you follow by articles, and are already into this sort of thing. But I do need to mention a logistical issue. How do we put this much in the freezer without just buying a new chest freezer? And what’s more, much of it is just cob material, and going to waste a lot of space. Nobody is up to canning it all right now. So we have got to clear some freezer space in already crowded units!

I am feeling a real bit of inspiration today, as my copy of the current edition of Mortise and Tenon Magazine has arrived at last! As usual it is bound like a book in the highest of quality, with great photos and articles throughout. If you have never seen a copy, you should know, there are no ads. There is a spread of sponsors who are listed basically like a few business cards on two pages. But the rest is all quality content. I commend Joshua Klein for his product.

I wish I could go to the shop and work. M&T Mag always inspires it! But I am so sore this afternoon! Instead, I will be up and getting some painkillers soon, and resting a bit more. I am eager to see what the doctor has to say about it tomorrow morning when I am in for my appointment.

Posted in Journal Entry, Reading, Special Update, Uncategorized, Woodshop | Leave a comment

Five

Posted on October 6, 2026 by Kelsey

It has been five days since the operation. I woke up feeling a sensation best described as numbness on my throat. Nothing horrible, Just was not what you would call normal. The intubation soreness is much relieved. I still feel it, but sans pain. I still am phlegmy. I can turn my neck from side to side just fine, as I really discovered yesterday when we had to drive into town for some errands. We are in tomorrow as well, and I hope that by tomorrow afternoon I will be returning to work. I will be having the bandages, or whatever you call these things on the outside, removed tomorrow morning. I look forward to seeing under them, and the state of the scar. I hope to just wear a bandana over it for work.

The kitchen sink is not only still clogged, but now it does not go down at all overnight. I am so eager to go down into the cellar with the plumbing snake and shove whatever it is in that pipe the hell down and out to where it joints the big pipe before going into the septic. I am fed up with this clog!

I set another monochromatic film style setting on my camera, but it is honestly not very different from the Silver Gelatin look I initially did. I was looking for the Ilford T-Max look. I may turn down the contrast just to differentiate it from the Silver Gelatin. I’d like to find a good color replication, but the Kodachrome 64 requires some post processing, and I am looking for in camera settings.

We ar elooking at a little return in our taxes that might help us get the Honda runninng again. That would be nice. Missus could use that during the days, and might even allow me a little longer workday. If I were to hire out for a photo gig, I would much rather arrive in it, than in the Nissan, too. The Nissan looks terrible. I need to work out some clothes that are appropriate to wear, too. My rough ‘farmer’ look is not quite suave enoguh for the work, unles sI am working on a farm, that is.

Just having a look at the sample ballot for the next election. We ahve a daughter who is going to be voting for the first time, and I am trying to teach her how to learn how to look up the ballot, about the issues on the ballot, and how to properly prepare herself for the choices. We see that there are only two voting locations, so we might go in early and do it that way instead of waiting till election day and having to stand in a long line. I have told her, I am not here to tell her who or what to vote for, but how to know for herself and how to do the process, rather than followin gmy unguided first attempts to vote, not knowing at all what to expect, and wandering into a booth and guessing on issues that I did not even know would be on the ballot.

Now it is time to get onto the hard part. I need to go about the day allowing myself healing, and not getting to eager to get at some work that needs doing and injuring myself. I am feeling pretty good today. I am just getting tired from inactivity. So, balance it, and get on with enough to see if my bones will still bother me, and hopefully not, and get active enough to feel a bit better.

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Four Days Post-Op

Posted on October 5, 2026 by Kelsey

Yesterday we spent some energy in the garden harvesting the corn. That went really well. We did the math based on four ears per dollar and figure we must have got $50 worth of corn out of ours! I think that has Missis fairly convinced it was not worth it. I just about agree, though I sure did have a lovely corn on the cob supper last night.

And then there is the pain factor. My hips went off on me, causing pain down to my knees, and hurting something fierce. I took a nap, I think for about two hours or so, and woke up still in serious pain. Continued rest finally relieved it. According to a Google search on it, I am to expect pain now caused by bone remodeling, as opposed to years of it from degradation. I am left to wonder if what was thought before of as Psoriasis and Arthritis was just caused by this glandular issue, as it apparently can go on undiagnosed for years, and even decades.

So, it is Monday morning, and only four days after surgery. It seems like it has been well over a week. The wound is a little tender, but not painful at all. I had painkillers yesterday during the hip ordeal, in the form of two generic OTC acetaminophen. Nothing to do with the wound. So, I am quite happy with how that is coming along. There is no swelling that I can feel. I only feel the little bandages that are holding it together. Those are set for removal on Wednesday morning.

I hope to go back to work after that. But it really hangs on this business of what is going on inside, I think. I have remained pretty restful apart from the corn harvest. That turned out to be devastating. Who knows what a day of trying to work would do to me? Nothing sudden has come up on me, like unconsciousness, or any attempt to become so. Is that a risk? If so, that will put a damper on working! If not, and I am just facing the demands of pain, then I think I can take a pace that will be tolerable. Maybe a bit of shop time will either help to answer the question, or at least help me understand the pace I need to be at, or work my way up to readiness? Gentle shop time.

The girls have been lovely, as always. I have had help with my chores. And Katrina has insisted on my not lifting anything. She has kept me from doing myself any damage. All of my needs are more than met. And their company through all this has been wonderful! I am so thankful for their sacrifices to help me through it. I could not ask for a more loving and sweet family.

Here I am, sat on my bed at a little before 5AM, feeling the bones, not quite hurting, but I am aware they are there. I think I could call this more of a weak feeling. I can feel them from my knees to my wrists. Thighs especially are alert to that feeling. I need to go wake Missus up for her weekly with her bestie. Then it is back to bed for a little over an hour before getting the girls to the bus stop. Then home again. I feel like I should be working. I should be earning against the bills that are coming. But I will need the rest. I will need the pacing. That’s hard to accept. But I have dealt with enough pain over my life to have learned to deal with it properly. It’s no good hurting myself to sort of prove anything.

I had a good talk last night with my oldest daughter, Autumn. She is keen to learn about photography, and we spoke of it a bit. I think that will be a much easier conversation to have in person. I can better asses her technical skills then. Then there is the subject of subject and composition. Use of color and light. Patterns and repetition. Subject isolation, or elements such as leading lines. She seems to think she wants copies of my pictures. I think she really wants to just make her own. That would be much better. My art is mine, not just in a possessive matter of ownership, but in a matter of creation. She needs to explore her own style and take pride in it. The best I can do is help set her on her own path and leave my work to me. Besides, why should she be paying to host copies of my work when the cost to do so is better spent on her own?

Hurts to cough still. Phlegm still wants coughing up.

Missus is up and getting ready for her call. I am back on the bed, thinking the bone pain is a bit worse for wear already. Might lay back down for the next hour, if I can just finish this entry soon!

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Film Replication With the D850

Posted on October 4, 2026 by Kelsey

I set the camera settings to replicate some old film stocks on the D850 over the last 36 hours. Well, I have two so far, and I am looking for a couple more. I don’t have everything set exactly right as some setting are ISO and white balance, which are used more dynamically. But the first one I set was Silver Gelatine, which is not a film I personally used, but really wanted to, as it mimics what the portraiture of the 1940’s looked like to me in Hollywood. I will need to set up a flash and my beauty dish to really capture the look.

I laid on my bed and programmed the camera and the very first shot I took was this one, looking up ay my bedroom ceiling. I like the lines up that way, but I loved the tone and texture in this shot. Really shows promise! I need to experiment with skin tones in the photos, too.

Outside in direct evening sunlight, the images are highly contrasty. Maybe too much. I especially found this so when shooting into the sun. It would be useful for capturing silhouettes, and making cameos or the like. But it has not practical use otherwise. I think it will be better in controlled light, and more even light. The contrast is great, but it can easily be too much. Something a lot easier learned on digital than on film, that’s for sure!

The second film type I wanted to mimic was the same stock Stanley Kubrick used for the 1975 movie, Barry Lyndon. It is filmed with Kodak 100T 5254 using Carl Zeiss f/0.7 lenses that were custom build for NASA for astrophotography from satellites. I cannot mimic the f/0.7. I can however mimic the color science in camera. There are again settings that are more dynamic, and I will have to learn them, but for the static settings, I get something like this below.

Amazingly, this and the sliver gel above of the same scene are the exact same exposure at nearly the same time. The difference is astounding. I will try some in the daylight, and I foresee a bit of indoor work, too. But I need to make a correct identification of white balance, as the ones cited were for candlelight scenes shot at night and for daylight. Well, I doubt I will be doing as much candle work as Kubrick.

Next ones I have looked up are Porta 400 which I used to shoot with my Hasselblad, and Ektar 100. Both will ring nostalgic with me. I don’t think any will be all the time shooting for me. But it will be nice to recreate at will. There are places downtown that want for the older color sciences, especially as they will bring up memories of shooting in places like Maidstone, England, and Worcester. I may even break out the square format for it!

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