Depressing Working

Posted on May 17, 2026 by Kelsey

Honestly, today at work was just depressing. I was trying to make up the distance between what I had earned so far this week, and what the budget requires from me. It was going at a snail’s pace, and I had time to think while I worked. Sunday’s are always a bit slow anyhow, but with the economy stalling as it is, we on this end feel it. High gas prices from below, smaller tips from above, and people either not ordering as much, or more people trying to Dash to earn, either way, fewer orders. And come on, some are just ridiculous. I had an order the other day from Home Depot clear down to Hyrum. The app told me there were 12 items in the order. It did not tell me that nine of them were fifty-pound bags of soil that I had to fit into a Nissan Altima. Thankfully the car is already in bad shape, because if it were new, that order would have been cancelld for me right there. Then, I got it all down to the delivery and the driveway of the house had a big Dodge pickup in it. Nice! Glad I could hep for minnimum wage earnings!

But, depression runs a lot deeper than being shit on at work. It is doing the wrong thing. I am not entirely in the wrong job, mind. I always thought courrier work would be fun since I saw the 1986 movie, Quicksilver, with Kevin Bacon. I do enjoy it as much as I thought I would back then, even though I am not on a bike. But getting so little for so much is a bit devistating. I want to open and operate my own photography business. I want it so bad I can taste it. (I have heard that is an effective thing to say for a job you want.) I want to work with people, taking portraits, exploring their ideas and mine, and having a steady stream of models. I cannot go places without seeing potantial images. Everything I see, I frame in my mind, or I pose someone in front of in my mind, thinking of how they would be dressed, what they might look like, the image they may want to convey. I want to hear people’s ideas, and have a catalogue of locations in mind and lighting styles, and so on. It is one of the good aspects of DoorDashing. I am always on the move, and always able to explore the catalogue.

I also love meeting the people I get to meet everyday. I have had some lovely experiences as just one of the many faces that go into their shops, being recocognized and greeted merrily like an old friend. Seeing other Dashers, some who don’t even speak much English, and being patted on the back and asked how I am doing. I really enjoy getting along with people, making them feel welcome, and like they are important. I really want to adapt that into my photo business, and get people going and happy in the same way.

Depression is also about the work I am doing for so little, and how much time I am taken away from my family, and my home. These are the things that mean the most to me. But I have to give them up to deliver food for a wage that is not even a wage at all because it is so inconsistent, and that is so little that it is embarassing. For example, laely I have been earning $15.08 an hour. Keep in mind I need to deduct from that the $4.50 a gallon fuel cost, the cost of things like the tires I am putting on tomorrow, and the monthly oil changes. There is insurance and any other maintenance, and I do need to eat, which often costs more because I am out and about, and it is not that easy to bring a day’s supply of food along sufficient for what is required when I suddenly find my blood sugars bolloxing up. Yeah, I would be lucky to be bringing home minimum wage after that.

So taking home so little for work that I kind of like, but it costing so much, including the best people in my life, it gets me down sometimes. Today was one of those times.

I know everyone has to deal with this to some degree. I would like to think there actually are people out there that don’t. I know that if there are, they maybe don’t like being around their family in the first place, they get time to go play racketball or golf. Maybe that person is just in the corporate mindset? Maybe they are lucky enough to be working in what they actually love? I don’t know. I enjoy a lot about what I am doing. Driving is good! I love seeing the city and discovering all the details of it. I really enjoy the people. It is iportant to me to be friendly, and to remember their names. I can still do this in my free-time after I get my own business going. But I need to put my talents to work for myself, not let them get pissed away by DoorDash. I cannot tell you how many times I have been told about other drivers who are impatient, and aweful people. DoorDash don’t care. You can be just about as aweful as you want, and still do it. So me being me is wasting myself in it. Yes, there is a better place for me. For sure!

I get to photograph the Farmer’s Market this summer. I look forward to that. It is a great time for me to get out and do some work that will hopefully bring up some business. I need my business cards ready in time. I hope. I really, really hope.

Posted in Delivery Jobs, Family Time, Journal Entry, Photo Business, Photography | Leave a comment

Dashing, Photography, and Window Coverings

Posted on May 16, 2026 by Kelsey

Today was yet another day of DoorDashing. It was not a very good one. Seems like there are too many people out trying their luck as I saw a lot of faces. There are certainly fewer people ordering as the college is out and a lot of the young-un’s have left town. What’s more, and goes almost without saying, the economy is total crap. Between the squeeze of high fuel and oil prices, and the lower tips and earnings, this week has left me with less money than we need.

To add to my frustrations, I see photographers out earning money with people such as the one today who was along the Logan River south of the dog park, working with a couple. There was also one in the park around the Tabernacle, on the southwest side. I am in the wrong business!

The tires are in serious need of replacement, and I was not happy driving on them today. I have the appointment booked for Monday to have them replaced, and I am feeling extra pangs of anxiety over it now. I am pretty sure the work will fix the car and set it right, but honestly, I am also a little anxious that it won’t. So I am curious to see how it turns out, and if there are further problems, like a bad ball joint or something that needs also to be done. I really don’t think so, but I have been stung recently.

Privacy is not quite right in this room, and I would like to sort out a shutter for the bottom part of the window for when it is still not warm enough to require a fan. I keep thinking of the writer gone to Portugal in Love Acttually, and how the shutters on the house looked with little angels cut through as my inspiration. Obviously, angels won’t quite do it for me, but there are other symbols that would. For peace, there is the dove. For science there is the moon and stars. And honestly, that is where I think I lean. Especially as I am only ever in the room at night. Maybe inside shutters divided up to a third for the lower, and the upper with a two-thirds length to give aid to privacy in summer, and warmth in winter? I can see exactly where they would fit, and work.

I’d love exterior shutters, too. But that is a topic for another job. There’s too many other projects that reqire my attention first.

Posted in Delivery Jobs, Photography, Woodshop | Leave a comment

A Very Blustery Day, Indeed!

Posted on May 14, 2026 by Kelsey

Wow! Well, there you go, then. My firewood rack, which has not yet made us a penny at all, blew clean over in today’s winds! It landed against the fence in the front of the llama and goat pen. I did not discover it till I left to go get the girls from the school bus. Looks like I have repairs to do when I get home. Meanwhile, I hope none of the animals climb over and get out. They might. They have not been fed yet, today. This is mightily irritating! Might have eased some of the pain if it had sold some wood, and been making a profit that I could dig into for repairs, especially on the fence. But. No.

I got the rack back up more easily than I thought I would, which was a hint as to why it blew over as easily as it did, I think.

I think that the solution to my problems is going to be T-posts. I can anchor the front of the rack down by driving some T-posts deep into the ground and fastening it to them. I could likely get away with two corners, but I suspect it would be best to go for all four. I thougth about moving it away from the fence, but that is just putting a bandage on a broken bone, and I don’t want it too close to the road as to cause someone to get into an accident while stopping to buy wood.

And then there is the fence. I will need a couple of T-posts for that, too. The rack falling over took out a wood post behind it, and the pulling of the fence as it went took out the corner post, which has never been a proper braced corner, so I may have the task of building one of those ahead of me.

It is a bit frustrating, because it is building for the sake of replacing, not for the sake of advancement. I’d much rather be moving forward, than just catching up. Well, at least now I know why I have never gotten around to using those wood fence posts I have out in the yard. They are ready to be put to work. I will have to put the post digger on the tractor, finally. Might as well start building that shelter the goats and llamas need in their pen while I am at it. I think I have enough posts for that.

Turns out there was a bad car accident on the hihghway I take home from Logan each day. It was an eight car that piled up at 4:10PM. That was about the time I was in the house wondering if my front windows were going to pop out. It was very dusty, and apparently the motorists lost vision and collided with eachother. There are not a lot of reasonable escapes on that stretch of road, so even if you had the sense to slow down, you would be stuck on the highway. And to be honest, I see plenty of people who I judge would not have the sense to slow down.

After such a mild winter, I have been worried about what the weather would be like this summer. This is not California. One cannot expect to have consecutive seasons of good weather. I have thought that the wind would be our biggest threat. And now, here we are. It has done did it. Well, the first one, anyway. But what if there is more? I will get to work on that battening this evening. Won’t be perfect, but it will be an effort. I could turn the stand to the side, I suppose, since the wind generally does come out of the south. I have today to think about it.

As fire is also a big hazard, I need to get that mower running. I am going to clean the carb, and I hope that fixes it. Gah, what a start to the summer season!

Posted in Catastrophe & Disaster, Firewood, Journal Entry, The Farm, Weather | Leave a comment

Productive Time Off Work

Posted on May 13, 2026 by Kelsey

Off work yesterday. Only day of the week. So, what to do with it? Well, I got home the nigth before and got out to the shop and worked on that last baseboard for the kitchen. It required slots to fit three pipes through, and a hole for the 220 volt electric plug for the stove/oven. I don’t have the paint for them, but they are in place for now, anyhow.

Got up the next morning and helped Missus with a couple of things, including putting the potatoes out into the front yard. Their troths were in on the front porch to defend them against recent frosts. Should be good for a bit now. I got myself out to the barn and got out the seeder and weeder. The weeder needs a new handle, thanks to some idiot running it over with the tractor. I’ll find one, buy one, or make one. I need some white oak. I also would need to get the steam box running.

I set up the seeder and filled put the corn packets into the hopper, and planted all of it in less time than it took to set it up. I worked on getting the water pipes sorted to be able to water the garden. I do want to put in s few more plants, but I got the corn and the pumpkins done, so that is a start. I also made a couple of stakes with copper labels on them to mark the seeded spots.

Missus had 4H to teach, and an appointment, so those and a trip to get the kids from school were on the agenda, too. I also went and did our weekly visit to one of our sons and his wife and two kids.

It was a productive day. I think moving those potato troths out really gave me what for, though. I am still sore this morning. Now it is a work day. Ac ouple of deliveries so far. Seems I thrive off the chance to talk to people. It’s where I produce the most energy.

Posted in Journal Entry, The Farm | Leave a comment

Bunches To Do!

Posted on May 8, 2026 by Kelsey

Friday. Sat at the school waiting for my oldest daughter to finish doing a plant selling project from the school’s greenhouse. Meanwhile I am thinking of soem things we need to get done around the farm, and for the family, and in the house and on the car. So busy! So much to do.

I have a check from the junkyard when I sent up the Cobalt, and that will cover the cost of the par tI need for the Honda. In the long run that will allow me to work a little longer each day and earn a bit more. The economy is terrible. I have high fuel costs nipping away underneath, and low tips from above. DoorDash itself don’t pay squat. There is no fuel reimbursement to speak of. They did a $15 supplament for a few weeks for up to 200 miles driven. Well, I do closer to 1,000 a week, and they didn’t do anything for that additional 800 miles. Now they are paying some extra, but only to people who use their Crison Card, which I do not want to have. And this is only in discounts and cash back for using the card. No thank you to another card.

Yet another scam. Yet another economic trap.

On my list:

Put the potato buckets out in the yard, they have been on the front porch to protect against frost.

Fix the Honda.

Finish the table I am building for the entryway.

Plant the garden.

Get a hose to be able to water the garden.

Put garden tools out where they can be used.

Take the kids on a bike ride.

Finish the baseboards for the kitchen.

Finish window trim for the front porch.

Clean the yard.

Find a home for the fooseball table.

Properly start a portraiture business.

Get some firewood for winter, and for the business.

Put the metal roofing on the firewood stand.

Get a battery into the pickup truck.

Practice mounting and binding the tractor to the trailer.

Clean carburators on mower and sawmill.

Make a tilling sign to offer services.

Pull weeds at the attempted lavender section of the yard.

Clean the workshop.

Get a new bandsaw blade.

Get family informed on Hauntavirus.

Sort out better homemade lunches.

List some video ideas for the YouTube Channel.

Write some future videos.

Clean my room, just for you mom.

Change oil in car.

Change oil in tractor.

Begin deciding next furniture piece.

Saw some boards for the shop, and for sale.

Set up emergency charging station and power to WiFi/Broadband.

Close down cloud storeages.

Get tires for car and alignment done.

Water animals.

Make some beeswax candles.

Work on business marketing for all businesses.

Clean up the barn.

Clean up the granary.

Make a place to hang the bikes out of the way.

Build a potters shed.

Clean the Den.

Clean the Sitting Room.

Remove the keel from the sailboat.

Fix the trunk lid on the car so it latches properly.

Clean out my cupboard over the stove.

Season the cast iron.

Tire pressure on all vehicles.

Replace the flat tire on my trailer.

Start a photo project proper.

Build a shooting board for the shop.

Start walling the shop.

Build fence behind travel trailer.

Build signs for the businesses.

Plan to photograph at the Farmer’s Markets

Sort out photography contracts and releases.

And so, so much more…

I have a busy few days ahead of me, if I should so choose to.

Posted in Candle Making, Delivery Jobs, Firewood, Photo Business, Photography, The Farm, Woodshop, Writing | Leave a comment

Thoughts on Intention

Posted on May 7, 2026 by Kelsey

It is going to be a challenge to write a video script that is informative and not something aweful, like preachy, or patronizing. But it is something I am going to have to do if I am going to get a YouTube channel up and going. It has to be interesting, too. Oh boy! This is going to be tough! But I am running out of time. I need to do this! I need to get an income going so I can sustain it and keep it coming in as I age out. And let’s face it, I am not getting any younger.

At the same time, I am listening to a video my wife is playing in the next room that is bringing up witchcraft in England. That remionds me that I have taken an interest in the craft in so much as I am interested in figuring out how to do things with a sense of spirituality, with intention. The world is a bit dull with no element of thought beyond the superficial, material things. What is it that gives meaning, such as poetry has. I’ll figure this out. I am not inherently spiritual myself. I take it as a material world made of material things, and nothing more. But I have found that somewhat lacking in the years since I lost my religion. I think somehow this can lead to a sense of meaning that connects us to the people in the past that have done similar work and creating that the YouTube Channel will be devoted to. I’ll have to be open about the fact I don’t know squat about this sort of thing, but that I am interested in not just something like woodworking, but getting in the mood of it through that connection and spirit.

Is that too much? I don’t know. I think it could add a level of interest in the topic, but it could also add a load of silliness, too. There are a few people who do it well. The Cottage Fairy on YouTube is excellent at demonstrating intention in what she does. So does Jonna Jinton, famous for her Cow Kulning video. I am not saying I want to sing to the wood while I work it, or burn incense. I just want to work with greater intention, and demonstrate the work in a contemporary shop with the intent of getting old workd results.

Anyway, just some thoughts on the topic. If I am going to work with intention, I need to have thoughts on things, don’t I? I tend to keep things at a surface level, and I need to be able to dive deeper.

Posted in Journal Entry, Woodshop | Leave a comment

Income and Car Repairs

Posted on May 7, 2026 by Kelsey

Income, income. What am I expecting? I am sat here waiting on a DoorDash to ring through, making no money, and just typing away at a non-monetized blog. No big deal, right? I have a GoPro in my pocket, the one set up for B-roll, and am recording from time to time to get some shots ready for a YouTube video. I need some sort of income. Why do I keep supressing my options to just DoorDash? Why not earn in every way possible?

YouTube included. Someone will find the video and someone will take interest and watch it. But it has to be there first. So? Get it there!

The point of today’s train of thoguth is that income does not have to be based on a “job,” where hours are fixed till they demaind overtime, and holidays are restricted, till they don’t need you. Income like that seems secure, till it is not. But setting up something that will come in without further input seems a better way to roll. So, I film B-roll. Then I can record the A-roll and put it up and see what comes of it.

Yesterday I got home a little early, and get right to work on removing the alternator from the Honda. I thougth it was where the whinning and smoke were coming from. I took it in to exchange it and they tested it first and found it to be running fine. So I brought it home and did the quickest installation I have ever done. I wish I had that kind of energy all the time.

Anyway, I am now thinking that the smoke is from oil spilled when Jordan was replacing the gaskets on the engine, and that the humming noise may be the idler bearing or tensioner. I need to let the car run long enough to burn off the oil or take it up for a wash. And I need to see if the bearing theory rings true by getting a second opinion. It may be as simple as that, and I just need to replace it and things will be back to top notch again. I am really suspecting the oil spill theory because I spilled some power steering fluid while I was taking out the alternator, and remembered right then that things get spilled and soil the engine, and once it is hot, it will smoke. Shame I was so far into that task by that time, rather than thinking it up before starting.

Loads of sirens are coming up this way. I can hear the horn of a fire engine. Someone is in a fix.

Right, still waiting. I have only earned about twenty bucks so far today, and that has been in nearly two and a half hours.

Posted in Delivery Jobs, Journal Entry | Leave a comment

Kitchen Baseboards

Posted on May 6, 2026 by Kelsey

I ignored woodworking for too long this winter. I got out to the shop yesterday with a couple of boards from out in the yard, and made the first one into a seven and a half foot long baseboard for the kitchen. To make things really simple, it was also seven and a half inches tall, by the standard three quarters of an inch. I broke my bandsaw blade while cutting it down, which was a bummer! So the second board, only four feet long rough, I cut by hand. I suspect that is where I got my shoulder to feel likke it does today. Feels like I have a couple of sore tendons or something!

I did the bigger part of the planing with my favorite hand plane, which I call the scallop plane, but is properly known as the scrub plane. I person does most of the work with it. Set it to cut deep and things go quickly, getting the board more or less straight, cleaning out the cup and the bow a bit. Even the straight edge can be worked to more or less in line.

At any rate, I have the short board down to two straight edges whcih I will parallel after I finish the faces. I am going to push this thing through the power planer to get the faces parallel to eachother. Or is it coplaner? Whichever. It will gdt a hand planing to finishe the surfaces and have it looking fairly authentic in it’s place in the 1916 portion of the house. It has got to have a place to fit an over plug in it. There are two pipes coming through that wall, as well, right down where I am putting it. So it requires some work to get it finsihed and ready to keep back mice from under the wall where the lathe and plaster meet the floor, or don’t meet, really, which is the problem.

When all that is done, I hacve a cupboard to repair and make so the mouse or mice won’t get into it again. Some little fellow has been getting all round in it, and messing everything up. Looks almost like a nest, there is so much mess. There have been holes cut throught the cabinet to get a water supply through it in the past to get it to a fridge for the ice maker and water dispenser. Those days are long gone.

I have my table on the workbench in the shop still. I have been busy these past few weeks dealing with problems as they have come up. I’d like to get that done soon.

The shop needs a cleaning. I was sawing in it yesterday and got myself in a bad position and hurt my shoulder. That’s what I have decided it was, anyway. After much thought. All for the sake of a pile of scraps that was too close to the workbench. I can be such a fool.

Posted in Woodshop | Leave a comment

Work and Chores

Posted on May 4, 2026 by Kelsey

Hi there. My name is Kelsey Bacon. I am sat in a parking lot in Logan, Utah, waiting on a DoorDash order to come through on my phone. It’s looking like the system is down, or it is a very slow morning. Another Dasher is complaining on Discord that she has been waiting for 45 minutes for an order to come. I just got this “offer.”

25 miles one way. I did a Home Depot yesterday and it turned out to be 500 pounds of soil to someone in Hyrum, and when I got there, there was a lovely Dodge RAM sat in the driveway.

So, what else do I do besides wait for work and complain about it when I get it? I would like very much to be a professional photographer. I would also like to be a woodworker. I am set up to do those. Other than those things, I am also set up to do a bit of tractor work, and provide firewood and some ungraded lumber. Happy to do any for a reasonable price. I also enjoy writing, though with everything as it is right now, I am in a bit of a slump. Gotta go a minute. An order came through.

Back to a break. Just ran a couple. Had some nice chats along the way because there is time for that. I have not pulled in a lot of money so far, but sometimes it is what it is. It usually works out, and either way, it is better than sat at home earning nothing, though I do like being sat at home and keeping good company with Missus.

Tomorrow promises to be soggy, and I will need to get home tonight and feed the animals and put a last till on the garden so I can plant in it tomorrow or the next day. Tomorrow springs up because that is the planned day off. The next day because that is after the frost. We are due for a warm up after that.

Okay, it is sorted. The day of work is done, and I am home and have the girls home and supper in us all. Then it was time to tackle some chores.

I got the dogfood out of the car with our youngest and got it put away. Then I went around and fed the llamas and goats. After that I spent quite a lot of time doing the most back breaking and exhausting work tilling the garden. I sat there for the longest time in a comfy seat with the air conditioning running, and tilling and spreading compost and tilling some more, then doing it two more times across the old llama pen to make it into a garden.

After all that I moved the truck to a longer term parking spot, then pulled the battery from the truck and put it in the Honda and test drove it, then did some cleaning and minor maintenance on the Honda and the Nissan.

It is a lot done, and the garden is ready for planting and the cars ready for driving. I need to park the car hauler trailer still, but that will wait till I have sorted a hitch on the tractor, which is a no go till I get the tiller off it. I wonder if any of the neighbors would pay to have a garden tilled first? Who knows?

I am off work tomorrow. The rain can come and I am okay. I would do well to cover the hay, that is true. But if the rain were to come as it did today, not a big deal. I am meant to plant the garden if I can tomorrow.

However lousy today was for work, only earning a little over $70, it was good in that I came home and had the energy to get these things done. I am feeling a bit better about things. There is still a lot of stress, but we are a little better.

Posted in Delivery Jobs, Journal Entry, Regular Update, The Farm, Weather | Leave a comment

My Needs Are Small, My Means Are Smaller

Posted on May 3, 2026 by Kelsey

What a day and what a week! I made it close to the weekly goal today, only comin gin short by $30, and that was with starting up over $200 shy. I worked with my youngest daughter at my side for over 11 hours. I don’t know why the rest of the week was so poor that we came up so short before today, but with some serious butt busting, we got close enough that maybe it won’t quite hurt.

There is really nothing much to talk about. It is a shitty paying job. I like the work just fine, but it is all hurry, hurry, hurry, or the family will starve. What kind of shit is that? DoorDash does not make it possible to live half way decently in our market. They keep it difficult enough that a person has to work so hard to come up with just enough that if there was a second income in the house, perhaps from another DoorDasher, then a family could just scrape by. I am saying this as someone who pays no rents or mortgages.

Anyway, Tuesday is coming up soon, and I am to plant some seeds in my garden area. I look forward to that. I want to see how I can do at keeping a little food on the table other than killing myself for a corporation that plans on relacing everyone working for it with robots and AI, anyhow.

I need to get the Honda back on the insurance tomorrow and get the battery out of the truck and into it so Missus can drive the girls to school for the rest of the school year, and I can earn a little more a little easier with steadier days. Well, that’s what I shoud do, anyway. I shoudl get myself some advertising together, too, and get the photo business off the ground, and run the sawmill, and build the furniture, and sell some lumber, and sell some candles, and sell some firewood, and sell some tractor services. Anyone interested besides the Russian bots?

Right. My writing has gone downhill lately, and I need to pick it up some. It is a sign that my life has gone downhill, too. Mostly because I am busier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest, or running around like a chicken with its ass on fire. Even my metaphores are mixed up!

I am going to go to sleep now. I got nothing of value left to add.

Posted in Delivery Jobs, Photo Business | Leave a comment