In the 1980’s, when I was a teenager boy, my grandmother took me aside on more than one occasion and told me that the thing my mother did wrong with all her kids was to be a friend, rather than being a parent. Grandma was from a different generation though, and she had sait to me many times growing up that ‘children are to be seen and not heard.” Yup, I was to have the input and opinion of a pet. Well, I grew up with mom, and whatever it was that she was doing wrong, I may have felt it was okay at that time. After all, I was one of the kids that my mom was wrongly being friends with. Grandma’s point was that mom was not strict enough in her discipline and she was not willing to take a firm stand on what her kids’ choices.
Now I am grown up and have kids of my own, I wonder what grandma would have to say? Am I friends with my kids? am I weak as a parent? Am I not firm enough? I’m not sure. What I am sure is that gentleness is strength, and I always want to be gentle with my kids, and kind. They don’t always do what they are asked to do, and that takes patience, and sometimes yes, a firm voice. What kid grows up without a stout lecturing now and then? Mine are no exception. But my kids are my best friends. There’s not a person I can think of that I would rather spend time with. Christmas and Thanksgiving are always my favorite times of the year because all the kids show up, and they bring spouses and their own kids, too. I have spent the last 20 years in the sole dedication of raising these kids, and bring them up with a sensible head, and a good sense of humor. Anyone could say to me, “but Kelsey, you are kind of nuts!” They’d be right. But I believe my brand of insanity comes with a certain good decision-making ability, and the sense to stay clear of harmful things and substances, that has always served me well. So far, so good with the kids. Oh, there have been mistakes along the way for all of us. But does a person get back on their feet? That’s what matters!
I don’t mind being a fried to my kids. I hope that the greatest share of the time I will spend with them is while they are adults. If I am to raise adult people who make adult decisions, then that starts now, helping them to make good decisions. And if they are going to be kind and thoughtful adults, then that also starts now. I can best deliver that in a friendly manner.