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Religion & Politics

Posted on February 4, 2020 by Kelsey

When I was a kid, I often heard older folks say, “two things you should never discuss are religion and politics.” Old folks new that people’s differences of opinions would lead to a social fracturing. They knew on a deeper level that people are allowed to have their own opinions, and despite the differences, it was important to stand up and fight for their right to have them. It was important to allow your neighbor to disagree with you, and thus allow yourself the right to you own, differing opinion.

So, rather than disagreeing out loud about the most sensitive opinions a person can hold, best to let it be, and hold the bond of society together.

Boy! Have things changed! Online, at least. From the reports I hear about people’s Holiday gatherings, intimate face to face interactions have not been well lately, either.

Often I think of something once told me by one of those old timers, that “if you could read the minds of all the people around you, you would not want to be around them.” I think that because of the influence of that statement on my world view, I see Social Media as the culprit that has emboldened people to speak out the secret thoughts of their minds, basically allowing others to read their thoughts.

I am sure you would find that I am like anyone else, holding deep opinions on both subjects that many might find offensive. Too many times, I have encountered among people’s religious ideologies the idea that everyone who does not believe as they do should all just be killed, and God allowed to sort it all out. If not that extreme, they often believe that the nonbelievers will ge their comeuppance in the end, sure they will burn in Hell forever after they die. Lovely.

Politics is probably even more difficult in a democracy because there is now great sorter to resolve everything in the end, though one is often invoked when politicians say things like “…and may God bless America,” or “God will hold us accountable,” though that one seems to be fading away, thankfully.

When someone in the political realm invokes God as their reasoning behind their actions, they tell me that their reasoning has not been thought out independently, and they are blindly following what has been taught to them from childhood. Not many people independently consider the origins of the Universe, the nature of mankind, and the reasoning behind morality and come up with the specific God of Islam or any of the many versions of it given in Christianty. And to say they are all the same is just lazy.

The Mormons who brought me up might say that I have denied the Holy Spirit which has witnessed to me the truthfulness of the gospel. The gospel as they know it, sure. Another Christian might say I was raised in a cult, and therefor never knew the Lord. Yet, I have had multiple instances of witness by the Holy Spirit. But I got out of my own head when I realized that many Christians get the same witness, the exact same feelings, the exact same logical conclusions of the source of those feelings, and what they were saying to my soul. How can the Holy Spirit bear witness that Mormon Jesus is true just the same as Christian Jeseus is, yet they are many different beings, depending on exactly which Christian you ask? Go to one church, and they claim ultimate truth, and in another, they claim it, yet in one, mankind can only be saved by good works, while in another, it is all upon only the acceptance of Jesus. Between them, they cannot work out the nature of salvation, the nature of God, or the nature of humankind. Could it be that it is all made up, and it is just a bunch of people who cannot agree on their imaginings, guided by a confusing old book of fables made up by ancient people who were trying to control eachother?

Either everybody gets the witness of the Holy Spirit, or nobody does. Either way, it does not bode well for the truth it is witness to.

Recently, the last of the Mormons in my family who might desperately care if I am going to Church or believing or paying my tithes or not, died. Paradoxically, she does not get to know the was wrong about the nature of death, or that she was wrong to fear it as much as she did, which always was the ultimate irony coming from a believer. I guess she doubted.

Free from religion, politics still haunt me, and likely always will, to the extent I allow it to. To this end, it is unfortunate that so much of my time in college was spent in classes on philosophy and political science. Habits of thinking were formed, and they are hard to ignore. Politics are visible, and affect us, unlike religion, where a person can just forget about it, and it will pretty much leave them alone, till they die. It seems to leave everyone alone when they die.

So, how do I break free from politics? Is it possible? Should I? As it affects things like the environment, from erosion to climate change, am I morally bound to it? No man is an island, after all, and even if he were, he would not be safe because of Arctic melting and seal level rise.

Perhaps politics is here to stay.

As for religion, I have put that one to rest for myself. As others may never, and there is nothing I can do about it, I will happily accept any decent human being who is willing to do the same in return. And honestly, most people are decent.

With the Mormon gone, and her narcissism along with her religion, I no longer need to worry what she will get up to next based on anything that might make its way back to her from my mind. This has been a sad familial condition that has lead to depression, and me not writing. Only a month after her death, I already feel much more free. It would never have been this way if I did not care what she thought. But I did. Free of that, expect more of what I do think, and my online journal to hopefully be my place to express freely.

I have recently paid the bill on this site. Now I intend to get value out of it. Religion and Politics be damned.

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The New Hobby

Posted on February 1, 2020 by Kelsey

Saturday morning. Coffee. I just cleaned out the wood stove, and washed the glass on the door of it with hot water and ash from the fire. Just sipping that coffee and waiting for the few charcoals I left in the box to catch the wood I put in after the cleaning.

Iwas awake late last night, watching YouTube, and doing some research on the California Zephyr, a train I rode when I was nine years old. Recently I got hold of an N-scale mdel off most of it. All I am missing is the B units to the engine compliment, which there needs to be two of for a mountain grade consist.

When I rode it, mom and I took it from Salt Lake City to Denver, the bit were there were of course, four engines required. Why couln’t we have gone from Denver to Chicago, where only two units were required? Oh well, it waas one of the most beautiful trips I have been on, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

I suppose that I should really keep my complaints to a minimum becaause we rode that day on not only one of the most beautiful trains to ever grace American rails, but also on one of the most beautiful routes available to the American traveler.

Now that I am in posession of the train, it is necessary to establish the route that a layout will represent, the stops along the way, and things like the era that the layout will represent. My first inclination was 1980, the year I rode it. But that consist waas running from 1947, and so I could represent the 1950’s, and easily make it a sort of memorial to my riding partner, my mom, who was born in 1952. That is a decision that afffects things like the buildings, railcars and engines, and highway traffic on the side roads.

Nothing is yet set in stone. I am still looking at the space that will be available to me to establish a layout in this old house, and how things like parts of the mountain route can be represented. I am very inclined to a layout with two small main boards, and a connecter piece that allows for the mountain route. That should give space for a slightly curvy section of track, and room to really stretch the train out, as it is about seven feet long. Laying that on a two foot by four foot board would mean its engines would be in sight of the parlor car as it went around. That would not represent my nine-year-old adventure, at all.

When I was originally looking at the idea of getting started on a model railroad, I thought about just getting an oval layout from Hobby Lobby. But what they sell there in the $100 range is a DC layout that can really only operate one train at a time, and it fixes the buyer into Bachman track, which is not necissarily what is most desireable in the long term for a proper layout.

As it turns out, railroading has come a long way since I was a kid, playing with my own little HO scale, DC layout. For the enthusiast, the tracks now run on a constant voltage, and signals are sent through them to a decoder in the trains, telling them what to do, such as run forward or backward at scale specific speeds, turn on and off lights in the model, make sounds, such as a horn honk, or a bell, engine start, or different operating speed sounds. Model Railroading is miles ahead of where I left it in the 1980’s. And don’t you think I want to take full advantage of that, because for all of its reality in the 1980’s, one reason I did not fully get involved in it was because it lacked reality. Luckily, grown men build models, rather than play with toys.

Still, I know that rather than a point to point railway, I want to be able to run the model in loops, so there is that. That means both ends of the layout will have to be able to accommidate a u-turn.

Ambition says to me, move house, get a ideal farm, and a bigger space to build this model in, but practicallity says, just build in the space we have, keep it classy, and do it well. It will be cheaper, manageable, and in the end it will be a chance to share memories and inspire the younger generations with a fascinating layout.

So far, I have the bulk of the train. I also have a two foot by four foot layout board. I think the second large board I get will be closer to a four by four, or four by six, and they will set up in opposite corners of the room, with a connecting piece between. The two boards will unfairly represent maybe Denver and Salt Lake, or a couple of the stops between. The connecing piece will mount on the wall, and represent the mountains between.

Why is all of this important to me? Well, when I was looking at what to buy, I settled on a piece off personal history, and a special day spent with my mother, who is not with us anymore. That is the past. The present is the creative outlet, and the means to get away from the farm without haaving to actually leave it. The future is the children who will look on, and be inspired to create things themselves. After all, without art, are we human? I’d like them to see how to keep in touch with that for themselves, at least in one way.

The fire in the wood stove is finally going. I don’t think it is going to go out. Time to get moving on the day!

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Considerations of the Time It Is Now

Posted on January 31, 2020 by Kelsey

It has been positively lovely having my wife’s sister with us these last three months. She has been a light in our family, and has worked and earned her keep. Now, obviously, one does not have to earn our hospitality, but when one does, we will likely roll out the red carpet when one needs a place to stay.

While she was here, my grandmother died, and was buried down in the local graveyard. Among other things, this has brough to an end the generations of my family that stand directly between me and the grave. Time for a midlife crisis!

With all this change in mind, and the end of the month on us, it is time for me to really think on how I want this year to carry on. In one sense, the word freedom springs to mind. In another sense, it is now more than ever time to make my own destiny. I have never felt more that my life is my own. This feeling springs from being liberated from my grandmother’s narcissism, and want to control my life. It is also rooted in the sadness of the loss of my mother a few years back.

So, how to move on now? What path of life do I pick, now that the last person who has been desperate for me to follow her life has died? What do I want my life to be about now that grandma is no longer holding her religion over me?

It is an unfortunate thing with these all or nothing cults like Mormonism, that when family does not believe, it can mean for those who do that the nonbeliever is lost forever. It sure puts a heavy weight on the believer, and that weight is often what destroys the family relations.

Well, with all that behind me, I am going to go figure out my direction.

The things that do matter to me are foremost, my wife and kids. After that comes the farm, self reliance, making things for us and things that will outlast me. It is important to me that we are not beholden to anyone for anything. These are all among the things that will direct me in the time to come. My devotion is first to this.

The time is here to really consider the legacy I will leave, too. If ever there were a time to make things, this is it.

So, look forward to writing, creating, and making. It is time to put the wealth of my life experiences to good use. It is time to bridge the good in my past to the good of the future. It is time to be.

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A Tuesday in Paradise

Posted on January 28, 2020 by Kelsey

Up in the morning, coffee in hand, and a fire going in the wood stove, like I do every morning. The quiet of morning is broken by the arrival of the children on the scene, the cat’s meowing at them, and the rising crackle of the fire. Youngest wants help getting cereaal down rom the shelf, and oldest can’t be bothered. The fire burns hotter. It has to, in order to clean out the soot that has built up in the chimney overnight while it smoldered just enough to keep the chill of the house. Maybe the kids just need to clean their soot out too. It’s all part of waking up.

Today is the last full, normal day of my sister-in-law being with us from the UK. It is hard to keep her from doing certain things around the house, such as wanting to help with painting, or doing the dishes, taking out the rubbish, or bringing in the day’s firewood haul from the wood pile. I wonder to what extent we have been spoiled by her being here, and how we are all going to miss her for the jobs she just assumed when she got here. I think we will know the answer to that before a week is up.

Our home has been warmed with her laughter, and her upbeat spirit, and her down to earth nature. At the same time, I only hope that while she has been with us, it has given her a break in her own life in the UK, giving her a chance to stretch her legs out a little, and relax her mind, ready for her next step there in her post Uni life.

Our youngest daughter is starting to read, a little late, but she is showing progress, and that is very exciting. I sit wth her to read each day now, and I am just beginning to try to encourage her to read the words around her in her environment as well. I think it is going to open the world up to her in ways her mind has not yet imagined. But to know this child is to know that she is already brilliant and imaginitive without being able to write it down, or pick up even more through her reading.

Our oldest is right to her lessons already. She has figured out that she can get her lessons done first thing, and be free for the day to do as she pleases. She is one of those meticulos students who is going to end up with a strong practical knowledge base because she keeps practicing at it. At the same time, she is the one who can get up in the morning, prep a loaf of bread, and have it made ready for hot service at lunchtime.

Another light is on in the house now, as the youngest has gone into the parlour to do her studies. The temperature in the room is rising to the radiant heat from the stove, and the light from the windows is showing the world beyond our home in greater detail. The snowy blanket of winter has not given way to the recent warm spell we have had here, and practical winter pessimism keeps my hopes in check.

It is wonderful that in our homeschooling situation, we will have no trouble stepping out long enough to get my wife’s sister to the airport. We can’t go long because of the homestead, though. The animals will want feeding, and will need us back before too long. I have to check the weather forecast aand assure that we are not likely to come back to frozen pipes in the house. If so, we will leave the water running at aa drizzle while we are gone. These are just some of the everday things we have to think about just to take an extended day and a half away.

I feel like this year holds more potential for us than any yet. We are on our feet, but it is time to put more than our feet on the ground to support us. Yesterday the garden seeder arrived, and I assembled it easily. It only needed the handles put together and on. I want to start seeding larger gardens with the proper spacing for easy weed control. Gardening is only one way we can establish a better life for ourselves. I am optimistic that this year will be productive there.

There are a million other things we want to be able to produce on our farm, too. I think that if all goes to plan, we will be able to better set ourselves up for it all.

As well as the many things we want to establish, there are several things that need to be de-established as well. We have too many pigs, and too many chickens that require daily effort, and contribute to pinning us to the farm and preventing even the shortest periods away. Grazing livestock does not do that, so the llamas and the horse are okay. The goats also require daily attention, but they can be put in a place where that is not so. The ducks and geese are also in a sort of middle place that way. If they can be left, they need to be set up so. It would be good to be able to find a time of year after all that when we can get away for a couple of days and take at least a small break from the farm.

In unrelated news, we may have found a much safer and somewhat simpler solution to our wood gathering for winter heat. The dump down in Logan, Utah has an amazing pile of wood! I suspect from what we saw there late last year, it is more than they can handle. If I make a consistent go at running down with the trailer and picking some up, I could get us a year or two ahead. The only big problem I see is the loading. Maybe because the wood is wet, which I have generally been restricted from in the mountains, it is as heavy as can be. But it is in the ground, thus safer than felling trees beyond cellular range. So it is better, still.

The wood in Logan raises questions of availability of raw resources to process into sell-able goods. If we can get the finances arranged, a wood lathe may come into play to help us along the way. I’d like to see that happen. There are many other things to do with such a supply of wood as well. But gathering it and a few tools needs sorting out first.

Last thing to say this morning is that I am trying to sort out myself so I can get more blog posts up. There are stupidly frustrating things that slow me down. Things such as the keyboard on the device I am using is proned to insert the letter m in place of a space between words under the careful tap of my thumb to the space bar. The device as an attachable proper keyboard, but it stopped working correctly ages ago. It only works intermittently as it does not make the proper electronic connection to the device’s metal connection points. It is a mass of problems like this, and it is tiresome. I just want to sit and write, comfortably, and without constantly having to fix something to make a simple task happen.

Right, I am going to leave this now, and get the day going, and make breakfast for Missus.

Kelsey

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Joan Fackrell Hansen’s Funeral

Posted on January 9, 2020 by Kelsey

At this time of a significant funeral in my life, I am thankful for family. Family are those people who act a lot like me, and are forced in my face at times like this, when we all have to come together, and I get to see myself in them. That is when I get to reevaluate my behaviors, and decide which to cut out in order to make a little less of an ass of myself.

I suppose wisdom has arrived when we realize that the ones who we love are the ones with the most power to hurt us. I am not ready to shed a tear at the funeral. If anything, I am still angry at the dead. I am angry at the dead for the amount of pain she has caused me. But again, wisdom arrives when I realize that I spent more time with her than anyone at her funeral barr her two sons. I was already in the position to be hurt because of that.

And now she goes into her grave, Grandma Joan. I’ll miss the good times. As for the last ten years, those will have to work their way out of my mind.

I have not had a lot of communication from family when I have needed it. In fact, there has been pretty much none. Then, to sit through a funeral for the family matriarch and see not a tear shed, was a surprise. To hear that others talked about how frustrating she was at the end, came almost as a surprise. Almost. It validated me just to know that they knew. I wish I knew that much earlier on. But then, that is where the communication comes in, doesn’t it?

Some shared memories of her, and the frustrating times are what sprang to mind. I shared not a thing. But had I, it may have gone something like this…

I remember the anniversary dinner she shared with her husband in Lompoc, the romantic time they tried to have together, and the look on her face when the phone rang, and she smiled, knowing what it was, and her excitement at the news of the birth of my cousin, Brandon. I remember working with her in her vegetable garden behind the house in Oceanside in 1978. I remember her shock and sadness when her little chihuahua died in the night in the living room of the house in Norwalk, her face buried into grandpa’s chest. I remember countless hours sat next to her in church. I remember the terrible nood,es she would try to reheat after having boiled the starch out of them the night before. I remember the fishing at the beach in the summer of 78, and taking turns each day either catching lots of fish, or nothing. I remember the very unusual RV grandpa bought, and how proud they both were to drive around in it while people looked on, heads cocking to see what in the world it was. I remember the trips by car and by airplane back to West Virginia, grandma sat in a lounge chair and red shorts between the old Foor house and the cemetary up behind it while I mowed the lawn on a riding lawnmower.

But most of all, I remember that she tried her best to do her best for her family and her faith. In the end, I think her faith won out, which was not necessarily great for some of her family, but that is where faith has got it wrong. Families can be together forever. But the impulse to respond the minute that is threatened is to throw the family out before the faith. She was a victim of that mentality. In the end, that was not her fault.

Goodbye grandma. I’ll miss the you of the earlier years. And I will do my best to forget these last ones. You always promised to haunt me when you go. You don’t and I’ll get a Ouija board and come pester you instead.

KJB

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Joan Hansen, 1934 – 2020

Posted on January 3, 2020 by Kelsey

Grandma Joan passed away around 1PM today apparently due to her body rejecting her insulin.

I know old people sometimes get to be a real pain in the ass, and grandma, with her high expectations and constant sense of disappointment, was no exception. Unfortunately, that has led me to feel the relief of a burden lifted off me upon learning of her passing.

Many of the years gone by were better, though, and as these last few fade from my memory, I hope to keep the better times close to heart, and to enjoy those other memories instead.

I am sad and disappointed that I feel relief right now. I feel as though the air in my lungs is penetrating deeper than it has in years.

A new day tomorrow. And perhaps, in the coming days I can write more. Grandma always promised she would haunt me after she is gone. I’ll be watching for her.

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2019 In Review–The Cheery Version

Posted on December 29, 2019 by Kelsey

2019 has been a pretty good year over-all. Where required, I have been trying to keep sane, and where not required, I have tried to let the craziness go on its way. We have got quite a few tools that are a help on the farm, and make it easier to care for the place. Those include a log-splitter on the last day of last year, a new fridge not long before that, a riding lawn tractor this year, as well as a large garden tiller, a small one, and a wheel hoe for taking care of the weeds. I got a small chainsaw to help with the firewood cutting. Basically, a lot has been done to make it possible to keep up with the work that we need to do on a place this size. Next trick is to pay it all off.

Apart from the occasional check-in, I have spent the whole of the year off Facebook. That has freed up a lot of my time and helped me to refocus on just who I am and what I am all about. For 2020 I plan to develop that a great deal further. I can soundly say that I really do love people, and I love being able to spend time chatting with them. However… I am getting pretty damn old, and don’t have time for a lot of it, given what I still want to do in life.

So what are all of these glorious and wonderful things? Well, for me it’s personal, and for anyone outside of my family who is reading this blog, it doesn’t matter. So, we’ll just say it is 42. That’s right. I am going to 42. I am going to 42 for most of the year as soon as I can get set up for it. I am already off to a start. Once I have got the rest of what’s required, I am going to 42 away as often as I can till I perfect my skills at it. Be it woodworking, or playing the banjo, or gardening, I plan to get at it, and do it well.

Alas! This is meant to be a year in review, not a plan for the coming year. As it turns out, the past is not a place to live, and I have shared on this blog all the great and wonderful highlights I wanted to already. I shared them when they were fresh and exciting. Actually I have not been sharing much at all. And all that lack of sharing ties into a desperate need of a change in attitude on my part. Perhaps that will also be in my plan for 2020.

Right, I think that the worst part of the year came when I had to arrange to have a horse put down. AS always with these things, I am not one to arrange it and leave it to someone else to just do. I was there for it and was a part of it. It’s only the right thing to do.

The best part of this year was most of the rest of it, including home-schooling our daughters, and culminating in Christmas with our close family. I admit I have shut off to much of the world beyond them, and I have been largely glad to do so. Face it, Missus and the kids are what matters most to me.

It is stunning to think that we are in 2019, and it is about to end. I remember in my childhood, wondering if I would live to see the year 2,000. Well, wonder no more! Two decades the other side of it I am at a loss for how to describe the passing of time.

At the start of the year we had to hire a plumber to fix a pipe that froze in the basement and broke. In October I installed a door and frame with help from a good man who lives down the street. I have put in a new toilette, and I put in a new drain for the washing machine. I have also repaired the washing machine twice, and all that was done with the help of my sister-in-law with her “let’s get to it” attitude. I made shiplap from fence pickets and decorated the bathroom wall. It has al felt a lot like adulting. It has also been inexpensive independence. That was a feat achieved again when it was time to do the usual chimney cleaning, and I upped on the roof and did that.

The year has had its accomplishments. But I think the most defining moment came when I was at the home store to pick up the new door for the balcony, and I confessed to a friend who works there that I was nervous about doing it, as I had never done such a thing. She replied, “Well, that’s never stopped you before.” That put me instantly at ease. She was right. So I plodded on through it and finished the installation by the next day, caulking included. No, it didn’t go as fast as it could have. But the door and frame did go in, and now we can stand in front of it and be as warm there as in any other part of the room, as there are no draughts breaking through on that wall at all. It was a total success.

It was also achievable, and a small enough thing to do. That is something I would like to keep in mind!

As long as I remember the successes and lessons of 2019, I think 2020 and beyond hold great potential. So, to close this post, and to close the year, let me wish you well, and let me wish you every happiness and success in the New Year. If you ever feel like a kid just bumbling along in an adults body, don’t worry, I do too. We are all in over our heads. But luckily that has never stopped us before.

Bon Voyage, 2019. You have been a good enough year.

Kelsey J Bacon

Written at The Peasant’s Manor Farm in Fairview, Idaho. My Home.

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All Hallow’s Eve

Posted on October 31, 2019 by Kelsey

You should know it’s the time of year, when witches and ghosts appear. If you look very carefully, there’s a goblin behind that tree. Well I must say, don’t you run away, because it might be me. It might be me.

That was the song I remember singing in fourth grade music class. We gathered under the fluorescent lights of the music room and scared ourselves a little imagining the ghosts and ghouls that might roam loose on Halloween night as helpless children wandered from door to door hoping to receive their bouny before the horrors began snatching bodies.

Of course, being the 1980’s, we were also terrified of the monsters who would poison a child with their candy, or cut their throats from the inside with a razor in their apple, not a single actual case of which seems to have ever happened. Urban legends in suburban settings.

The kids hope to pilfer at least a mile of chocolate this evening. They will be a pajama party, complete with hats and noise makers, and new pajamas to sleep in over this winter. Double duty on the costumes. Mission accomplished!

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A Helpful Youtube Channel

Posted on August 27, 2019 by Kelsey

I have had to deal very closely with a Nacrissist over the past decade, beginning with being drawn in, then used, and dumped as a piece of rubbish. Most recently, I have had to deal with trying to space away from that person for my own health, and the health of my family. I have tried to keep my kids involved with that person because they are family, but at the same time, I have tried to keep them just seperate enough that my kids are not groomed into becoming narcissists themselves.

The Channel is Surviving Narcissism, and can be found here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIELB1mz8wMKIhB6DCmTBlw

I have found that one of the traps a healthy person can fall into when dealing with a narcissist is taking on the same traits for themselves as a part of coping. For example, a narcissist will go to others and point out flaws in their victim, saying that the third party does not know the full story about that person. Then, when the victim is seeking help, or validation, they are essentially left doing the same thing to the narcissist. I have got to wonder how the third party distinguishes?

One of the first steps I could suggest it either paying for therapy, or just watch the videos on the channel I suggested above, as that will help to identify the traits of the narcissist, and give validation to the victim of the narcissist.

When looking for validation, remember that if yyou are able to be self aware, and if you are able to be introspective, you are already acting like a healthy person. You are a victim of a narcissist, not someone who necissarily has a victim mentality, and there is a difference. But use that introspection and watch the videos, and you will find all the validation you need. If you don’t, then serious thought should be given to professional intervention.

Kelsey J Bacon

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Strength

Posted on August 6, 2019 by Kelsey

I need to say this somewhere, and since I am not going to do it on Facebook, I will do it here. I believe, and always have, even when I have failed on it myself, that non-violence is strength. There is nothing stronger or braver in this world than calmness, compassion, empathy, love, peace. We know the images. Putting flowers in the barrels of guns, a lone man standing in front of a line of three tanks, stopping to mend the broken wing of a downed bird. We know what it looks like. Big or small actions. Do them. Be strong. Peace.