Warming Up

Posted on January 6, 2025 by Kelsey

It is one hour before time to wake up and get ready for taking the girls to school and getting back to work on getting some work. Missus wants to get her shop ready to open. I will be glad to see her feeling well enough to try it. It’s been a hard time since just over a month ago, now. Worst scare of my life. I feel like a dog with his tail between his legs just trying to write anything about it. Too scared it will happen again! So, I want to just tuck tail and run and hide. That being said, and out of the way, here goes some other thoughts for a Monday morning lying in bed before getting up time.

This winter has been the warmest I have experienced since moving to Idaho. Remembering the first time I spent anything like winter here was November 2001. I remember listening to the weather broadcast from the government run station on a little radio in what is now the craft room. It had a daybed in it at the time, and I was lay facing the wall, cool white light reflecting dimly from the window. The wind was blowing and snow coming down. It was surreal to me, sitting in an almost century old house somewhere in a mountain valley under some of the heaviest weather I had experienced in many years. I felt vulnerable at that time, and the weather was reminding me that I was. It was bitter cold. This year, by contrast, it has not been anything like that yet, and we have made it past November, December, and are now a week into January. I am in the same house. But maybe it is the woodstove and the firewood outside that keeps the feeling of vulnerability away. The power can go out, and I am fine with it. It is also unlikely to happen anyway because the power poles on our street have been replaced and are more reliable than back then.

The worst thing that I did not anticipate in the yard from the weather warming has been the mud. We have been told for a while now that the weather is warming. This winter is suddenly much warmer. The summer before it was not cool. The summer was so dusty! The winter is so muddy! I would be a lot better off if the grass were back in the yard thick and lush. But with dry summers, I would have to be willing to throw water all over it, and I cannot justify it. It is impossible to see the reasons to put water all over the yard when it is needed for drinking and such at a much higher priority. So, I let the lawn die. The yard is extra muddy where there is no grass. I think it would be very helpful to get gravel put on the work areas of the yard, then not have mud where I do things like split logs or cut them.

It is 5:30 in the morning on January 6th, 2025. Five in the morning is typically the coldest time of the day. “What’s that smell?” “5AM.” – Laura Croft, Tomb Raider. It’s 31.7 degrees outside. It is about thirty degrees warmer than I would anticipate it to be based on the years I have lived here. That’s where we are at. Will it continue to warm in future months? Weeks? Who knows! But if it does, and at the rate it has been warming, the future is questionable.

Ash heaps. -The Great Gatsby.

The kids are ready for school, apart from getting up and getting dressed. They have their lunches ready, and cleaned up yesterday, ready for today’s activity. I need to make sure the alarms are all on. I honestly cannot remember waking up once to the alarms in the morning at my bedside. I am awake early for it, so no biggie today. But I also need to make sure the alarm on my phone will remind me at the time when I need to go pick them up. Today is a pretty easy day since that is all that is actually on my schedule. I need to see to it that we are working out Medicaid application in Idaho. I need to see to it that I am looking for a job or two. I also need to get a lamp made in the workshop, a leg for a workbench, and maybe start on a table I’d like to build. Then there is the firewood pile, which could use some effort.

My diet is coming along, still. I was actually complimented on it last week. Amazing! I feel better. I also am having a hard time eating things that are not in its narrow spectrum. I am having a hard time eating what’s in it, too. But that is for different reasons. Eating out of it hurts. Eating in it is getting a bit boring. So there we are. I think sausages and eggs would be good enough for breakfast today. Probably won’t eat much again till suppertime. I am actually enjoying wearing my overalls. The only bad part is where the straps hang on my shoulders. That gets a little painful at times. Otherwise, they are great, and the weight changes don’t bother a beltline. So that’s nice. My belt on my trousers were getting ridiculous. I have not put it on in so long, I don’t know where I would be on that old faithful rule of measure. But I suspect it would be pretty hard to keep up at this point. The belt and trousers were getting awkward when I last put them on.

Okay, I am five minutes till the alarm goes off and tries to wake me up. Instead, it is going to get me off this keyboard. I best get ready for it. I am making progress. My cynicism is getting under control for a minute. So that’s good. Now, off I go to put myself to work. Ta.

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Stress Points

Posted on January 4, 2025 by Kelsey

I was listening to a Dave Allen skit from 1993, and he briefly mentioned a list of the most stressful things on a person, and the number one item was ‘death of a spouse.’ then there was divorce, and some other things. Wherever he got his list, it did not include serious health scare of a spouse. That one was not there at all. I would like to submit it for addition to the list to whomever wrote it. A spouse does not have to actually pass to scare holy hell out of a person. Just act like she may head towards the bean can, and a guy can really shit himself. My mom dies in 2016, and man, that hurt. This is the closest I have come since to feeling like that. Right now, things are slowly on the up and up. It has been a long road to recovery, but we are slowly getting there. On the other hand, it can reoccur, and it can require further correction.

There is a great Spirit in the Sky somewhere in Intermountain Heath that is making decisions on treatment, and what to do. The decisions are expensive and stressful, and we have a pile of bills mounting up that is more than we can think of paying on our own at this point. Decisions are based on things like scans, and blood panels, and so forth. They are made without face-to-face consultation and feel very impersonal. It is like a fleet manager telling some chap in the shop that the truck needs a transmission overhaul. He’s never personally seen the truck. He just looks at driver’s reports and makes the decision. The truck gets the service, and that’s that. Not that trucks feel anything about it, but that’s kind of the point. People do. And in this case, they also feel as though everything they own is being drained away from them to much wealthier people while they consider where to put that old travel trailer to live out their lives in.

Then there is the issue of my social and family situation. I live far away from anybody I really give a toss about, and anyone I ever felt gave a toss about me. So that plays into this. Life has been long, and not all of these people have even met my wife, even though we have been married for more than twenty years. But here I am going through hell, and I hear the words, and the lack of words that I get. That translated into caring, or lack of it. And that hurts. I have felt so alone this last month, and so scared. I have had just about nobody check up on me. There have been I think, four or five notable exceptions, and those people are so near to my heart for simply asking something like, “how are you holding up?” Or” how are things going?” They are simple statements. But just ask, and pretend to care, and you can win a person’s heart. Leave a fella in the rough without simply doing that kind of little gesture, and he notices.

It’s not nosey to ask. It is just courteous and caring to want to know things are going okay. But when people say the world has changed, I think this might be kind of a part of it. Folks don’t even know how to extend this kind of common courtesy. I know that customer service has gone to the dogs, and that everything seems to be a scam, and now I know for sure that people seem to not care about anything outside of their tiny little circles or things that are not on their Social Media feeds. But this is fucking ridiculous! It’s not like I am asking for visits and flowers to be sent and so on. Just a word or two, “how are you guys doing?” And the patience to hear a short description. It’s not much to show you care.

So, here we are, moving forward. It is a very slow, and painful process. I don’t want to belabor that point too much, though you probably stopped reading way up the page when you realized there was emotion in this post. That’s been my experience, anyhow. Cynical. I know. But it is a part of the American medical system that when a person risks losing their life, they also get to lose damn near everything else instead. And the only way out of it all is to die. The only thing left is to hope the people who care for you will do so anyway, rather than leaving you on the step. And to that end, so far, I cannot fault the people who have been helping us, at all. They have tarried on. And we will no doubt do everything we can to repay them. I have no idea how just yet, but every penny I can give voluntarily will be a thank you. It’s when we get to legal extraction and force that my gratitude will become bitter. But in the meant time, while things are going on as if from outer space, things are improving for my Missus. And that sure matter a lot to me!

I could now go on to belabor the point that She is my everything. But from Shakespeare to Steele, I think it has been told. There are shelves of books dedicated to how two people can feel about each other. She is my all-of-that. I remember when she used to travel out of town for work. It stressed me out. I have never worried once about her heart straying. I have never felt she might get on a flight and not return. I have never felt like there was anything more natural than being with her, even if that is her in the next room doing her own thing. Just being there is like just having my heart beating inside me. I don’t get angry about all the noise of my heart pounding inside me. It is just a natural thing. I think I would be nuts without it. That’s how it is with her. I get frustrated with her craft messes and I don’t care for the constant noise of the TV running. But when I know it is her responsible for it, then fine, whatever. Not having it all is not a viable alternative. Move on. There are more important things to worry about, like, “honey, would you like a cup of tea?” Far more suitable thing to put my mind to.

So here are my points of stress right now. The most important being the health of she who is most important to me, and the feeling that more people should care. I shouldn’t have to shout it. Some of the most important news comes on a whisper, and on a breath that can barely speak. And some of the most important words are the ones of encouragement that are spoken in return. It doesn’t have to be on CNN or MSNBC to be important. It doesn’t have to be on Facebook or X-Twitter to be worthy of a like or a comment or a share.

Come Monday I plan to be on the hunt for a job or two. I hope for a situation that will give me time to develop my own business and continue to help Missus with hers. Yes, the horse is out of the gate, and now I have to chase it down. But I need something that will produce an income. So here I go. I have a couple of things I am looking into right now. One is basic, and gives me time in the day, if I can get it. The other is contract and will come up when I am notified. But it is photography work, and that is opportunity. I need that. I need it if for nothing else, but to be doing something in the business. Monday is my day to stop tapping and to start knocking firmly on doors.

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Finding Some of Me

Posted on January 4, 2025 by Kelsey

We went in to sort out a procedure that took fluid out of Missus that did not belong in her. In all, 1100ml of the stuff that was between her lung and the sac it is contained in. Goodness! It was shocking! It was also perhaps the first procedure to correct anything that has been wrong with her since the whole process began back at the beginning of December. The rest has been antibiotics and checks to see if everything is going okay on the dose she has been on. There has been a lot, and it has been honestly hellish. The woman went through one of the more painful things a human can experience. She has said it was far worse than childbirth. I don’t want to disclose all the details, just say, this is the kind of thing that has been going on, and it has been extremely stressful. It was a non-traumatic event, and very unexpected.

The point I do want to express is that I have taken little time for myself, really, since this all began. I mean, I have tried to get a little time here and there to relax some. But after today’s procedure, and the almost welcomed sight of so much fluid coming out of her and relieving stress on her, we came home and she took a nap, and I put on some mindless YouTube video about someone building a cabinet out of wood. I watched that and a couple of others and just let my mind relax and a sense of almost relief wash over me. Not real relief because there is still more to figure out. But it was again, good to see something done to help her.

The kids are away, and the room was quite with just me in it. I shut off all the lights throughout the house and just enjoyed the peace. And while I did update some family and friends on what happened, and that it was a positive thing, I did otherwise let it go for a spell. And that is the point. Getting to where one can relax oneself and feel human and remember who they are is a part of reducing the stress. Would I have felt better if I had gone out to the woodshop? Perhaps so! I would have felt colder, too. So, I didn’t do that.

It’s been about a month now since that day I came home after getting a message asking to take her up to the ER. It has been a tough month. I know it could have been personally a lot worse if life wanted it to be. I have seen several people around us have been through worse. There have been terrible things afoot too near to home, and my heart has broken several times while dealing with our own problems. A rare one of the people near us in our neighborhood is with her brother in hospital while he is going through worse, so we found out today when we ran into her in the hospital cafeteria. What a heartbreak to see that!

Our next steps are confusing. We have medical steps to take. But I also need to come up with some sort of income, too. There are going to be a lot of bills to pay, and we aren’t going to get any help doing it. That’s a whole other level of stress that I can’t yet figure out. I have been a stay-at-home father for so long, and I am not prepared to just jump into some decent paying job and run away with the bill payments. I am going to have to get busy, instead, and crawl away with the payments.

Well, I am going to go back to my relaxing, and maybe even find some of my woodworking books and get them out and ready to start perusing and reading. Might be nice to at least have this weekend, before it all goes to shit again on Monday. Ha ha! But who knows? Maybe I’ll get a call about one of those jobs I have been looking into! That would help! I could start that day!

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My Best Friends

Posted on January 3, 2025 by Kelsey

In the 1980’s, when I was a teenager boy, my grandmother took me aside on more than one occasion and told me that the thing my mother did wrong with all her kids was to be a friend, rather than being a parent. Grandma was from a different generation though, and she had sait to me many times growing up that ‘children are to be seen and not heard.” Yup, I was to have the input and opinion of a pet. Well, I grew up with mom, and whatever it was that she was doing wrong, I may have felt it was okay at that time. After all, I was one of the kids that my mom was wrongly being friends with. Grandma’s point was that mom was not strict enough in her discipline and she was not willing to take a firm stand on what her kids’ choices.

Now I am grown up and have kids of my own, I wonder what grandma would have to say? Am I friends with my kids? am I weak as a parent? Am I not firm enough? I’m not sure. What I am sure is that gentleness is strength, and I always want to be gentle with my kids, and kind. They don’t always do what they are asked to do, and that takes patience, and sometimes yes, a firm voice. What kid grows up without a stout lecturing now and then? Mine are no exception. But my kids are my best friends. There’s not a person I can think of that I would rather spend time with. Christmas and Thanksgiving are always my favorite times of the year because all the kids show up, and they bring spouses and their own kids, too. I have spent the last 20 years in the sole dedication of raising these kids, and bring them up with a sensible head, and a good sense of humor. Anyone could say to me, “but Kelsey, you are kind of nuts!” They’d be right. But I believe my brand of insanity comes with a certain good decision-making ability, and the sense to stay clear of harmful things and substances, that has always served me well. So far, so good with the kids. Oh, there have been mistakes along the way for all of us. But does a person get back on their feet? That’s what matters!

I don’t mind being a fried to my kids. I hope that the greatest share of the time I will spend with them is while they are adults. If I am to raise adult people who make adult decisions, then that starts now, helping them to make good decisions. And if they are going to be kind and thoughtful adults, then that also starts now. I can best deliver that in a friendly manner.

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A Little Positivity

Posted on January 2, 2025 by Kelsey

I have been particularly negative for the last few weeks. My best friend has had a serious health scare, and it has done nothing positive for me to see her going through it. I have spent a lot of time on the keyboard writing for this very blog and found myself just completely unable to post what I had keyed up because there was nothing nice to say about anything. It was me feeling low. Very low. But I remembered what my mom used to say about saying nice things, and instead of posting them, I saved them to draft or deleted them altogether. Negativity is easy to come by in this world. Especially in written media. There is high profit in it.

I decide to print beneficial rather than profitable. Trying to find something good in such an event in one’s life sometimes is more like the dog startled by the rabbit running out of a hiding hole in front of it, than it sniffing its trail out in the woods. Yesterday was a pretty good day. She seemed fairly good on pain management, keeping it down with just over the counter painkillers. She had more energy, and I saw more of her awake and doing things. We have the promise of her appointment this week putting her into a better condition with the removal of excess fluid that is built up inside her. So hopefully next week will be even better for her. Also, she was able to get through without having to ask much help from me, assuring me that should I be travelling off from home each day for some kind of work, she will be able to get through her day okay. It’s like hearing all of those calls, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up,” back in the ’90’s made me nervous now. I don’t want her left in a state. But you know how it is when someone means as much as air does to you.

I got a couple of pieces made for a project I am started on yesterday, which is a clear sign that the depression that has come to me with this event is being managed. I am building a wooden chandelier with beeswax candles as the light source. I want one that will easily hang and cast off a lot of light as compared to one of my candle lanterns or a single candle stick. It will hold four candles when it is done and could be easily modified for eight. That would just be twice as much work! Nothing to it! I’d like to see about putting a few of these together once the prototype is done and selling them from the shop. Maybe even the online shop, too! But either way, I am happy to have done this as an accomplishment for myself, proving once again, anything I want, I can make most of it myself now. That’s what is of personal value to me. And that is certainly one for the positivity books!

The whole homestead has been about drawing the line between self-reliance and reliance. There are some things that are just impractical to try to be able to make for yourself. I think a horse would be able to manage a lot of my transportation, for example, but to get to everywhere we would ever need to go in the month, and to do it in a practical amount of time, that is nigh on impossible. So a car comes into it. I can neither build that, nor maintain it without parts, nor be able to fuel it up without the help of the local gas station. So, there is just one of many examples of what has still got to be outsourced. Even if some amazing car company came along and made it possible for parts to be printed on a home 3D printer, one would still require buying filament. I can’t make a mechanical washer or dryer, either. I could do it all by hand! And if the machines we have got break, it may come to that. But there is a job for outsourcing, just like the building of the stand mixer, the stove, and so on. A person has to decide where they can drop these kinds of items, and where he cannot, and then commit to the time required to run without them. We dropped forced air heating a long time ago now, and the whole job now requires me to go get firewood and bring it back to the house, then cut it all up and split it and make it fit into the woodstove every summer. I have to provide enough to last all winter and ideally would be producing more than we require. Mistakes have been made, and I should have bought a high-speed log splitter so that could be easily accomplished. Instead, the machine I have currently is slow and steady, and it is difficult to get through even a cord, which a few machines can do in an hour. I mean seriously! That would make the winter’s wood something I could do in a day, rather than taking me weeks now. The profitability would work out somewhere in the $2500 to $3500 in wood I could split each day. I could not keep myself in logs at that rate. And if a person could sell that kind of wood, at a rate of, say, $3500 a week, that would certainly be enough to call oneself self-reliant, even if they were buying washers and dryers every month. That’s what I should be doing, isn’t it?

Wood really is the simplest route to self-reliance for me, isn’t it? I could get things sorted out for that fairly easily if I get this family on its feet and working just enough to cover the bills for the New Year. I have applied to drive bus for the local school district. I think it would pay enough to keep us fed and the lights on but would also give me enough time in the day to keep working on getting the businesses off the ground. My quickest route to that this year would be to process firewood, and trees as planned all this last year. I have even got the means to put lights up over my workspace now should I need to work after dark. There is enough to start, and with my stupid joints feeling so much better, there is no excuse. To that end, the joints still get sore from being up and about too much. But their default is not pain, like it has been for so many years. I have been free of the pain long enough now to feel confident in that. Oh, and on one last note about this, I would really do to get some gravel down where I work, so I can work in the “mud seasons” too. The winter being as warm as it is right now, this is a very limiting factor.

I tried to start the log splitter the other day. It would not go. I did not give it one of those mechanical efforts, to be honest. It was just a few pulls on the cord with the choke on, and the choke off and the choke on again. I probably could have opened the air filter and shot in some starter fluid and got it going. But I was not making a sincere effort to do it and just gave it a try. I’ll need it running soon. There is nowhere near enough wood to get through the winter split up and on the pile. No, instead, I will have to cut up the tree I dropped in the back yard a few weeks ago. It was dead-standing and is plenty dry for burning already. I have a good deal more wood than that tree, too. I could cut up more as needed, but I should start with that tree, and the wood that is lay ready to be finished in the Service Yard. That would be enough, I am sure. There is a cold spell coming. If I can work till tomorrow evening though, I would be doing really well. I won’t be able to, as all of that time is already committed, so I think I will miss that chance and have to work in the cold, instead. That’s my own fault for putting off too long what I should have got at already.

I think one thing that could help me is to put in a daily exercise routine that I could follow, at least, and maybe even get my daughters involved. The need to witness the benefit. Right now, they have no idea how much better it feels to get moving each day. I have an old video that does just enough in a mere ten minutes to make a person feel like moving and tackling the day from the onset if it is done first thing in the morning. It’ll never take more than that. I don’t think a regular heavy workout is my style, but a daily quick one is enough to get me moving all day, and that is a far cry better than sedentariness. It is what would keep a person fit just by getting them doing more everyday activities after. So, Happy New Year?

Okay, so here we are, eight paragraphs into a bit of writing. And they are not little sissy paragraphs, either. These are a few righteous ones. It’s been a good writing exercise, and I have kept positive throughout. That is absolutely remarkable. I need to talk to that lady that lives with me, that I am crazy about. She really does affect my wellbeing a little. She goes to crap and so does my whole attitude. But I have hope that she is going to see improvement after tomorrow’s medical appointment. If they can reduce her pain and make her more capable of getting up and moving around, and ease her breathing, then that’s huge progress. I know from my own body problems of the past that being limited in what one can do compared to what one’s mind can think up wanting to do is very depressing. I hate seeing her going through that. But she really does seem to be on the mend, so that is something positive, at least. I know there is still possibility for relapse, but I think we are going to be able to spot it before it gets so bad this time. She knows what to look out for. I don’t want to get my hopes up too soon. That’s my natural disposition, but we are trying to actively manage the situation, and who knows? Maybe we will get lucky?

And on that note, I am off to sleep the last of my sleep now, before the day comes along and requires me. Just one more hour would do it. Then We will be helping Missus sort her shop back together for operation and readying her to open up again. Maybe it will draw someone in who has made it their New Year’s resolution to come by and actually stop in. In all the year last year, only one person has stopped in and shopped. We hope to beat that this month.

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2024 – 2025 New Year

Posted on January 1, 2025 by Kelsey

As we say goodby to 2024, and Hello to 2025, I wish everyone a Happy New year.

I know on a practical level that is a ridiculous statement. There will continue to be war and hate and murder and so on. But dammit, I would like it all to stop, and maybe it is a good enough time to say let’s let it all go, shake hands with the people we see around us every day, and welcome peace. That would be the hopeful wish that follows my Happy New Year. Say goodbye to greed and selfishness and let the truly important things matter in their place. The world is not dreamy right now, and things appear to be spiraling down. But let’s hope things do get better instead, and let’s hope that if we are going to fight, instead of fighting each other, we fight poverty and hunger, and oh, while we are at it, let’s eat the rich.

Right. That will be my brief New Year message for this year. Let it be, and again, have a Happy and healthy New Year. Let it bring you goodness, prosperity, and health and wealth and love. May it be the best year you have ever had by far.

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The Great Llama Escape!

Posted on December 28, 2024 by Kelsey

I got a message today that the llamas were in the neighbor’s back yard, a downhill slant from where the main part is, and basically unkempt, like ours is. It is a difficult piece of land to maintain, as I can attest. But anyway, my llamas were in their little pasture area. She was friendly about it, said the llamas had been there a week. I really wish she would have told me sooner. She said she has tried to shoo them back herself, but they approach her, and she is uncomfortable with that. I totally get that. People hear scary stories about llamas, and I am sure that their behavior depends on how they are looked after. Either way, it is not the neighbor’s responsibility to worry about that at all.

I went to call the llamas, and they did not come. I got the tractor and loaded some hay into it, and they did not come. So, I finally went down the fence line to where they were and crossed over to the neighbor’s field and followed the llamas back up till they were through the gate and home. Then I closed the gate, using the repaired wire I had put on to catch the gate with. So the llamas are returned and the gate fixed temporarily. I also alerted the neighbor of that fact, and let her know she had used Messenger, which is the best way to get hold of me should she have further problems.

Her opening gambit was hoping we are having a good holiday season. I didn’t address that. We are not. We are among a few families having troubles this year. Ours are not as bad as some. But they are not good, either. I am scared and hurt to see Missus hurting and going through what she is. We will be changing how we live, and things will end up reduced after, forever. There is no way around it. We will lose so much, and I don’t even care, so long as Missus is looked after and can recover.

I am putting in an application for work at the school district the girls attend school at. I am going to apply for the role of bus driver. It does not pay a lot. But it does pay some, and hopefully will allow me to keep up with some bills. It should also allow time to still try to get my own business up and running. We still want to make something of our little place, even if it is only a little. Have not given up yet!

I am a wus. I will admit that. I have learned something about what a person feels when the one they have chosen is suffering. When she is at peril, I think it is a pretty awful thing. And I hate it. I know that nobody could ever replace her. I don’t need the opportunity to find out. And I suppose that all this drama is unnecessary on my part. It is a generally recoverable situation! It sure kills to see her in the state she is in, though. It sure hurts to feel helpless. It sure is a lot worse than the llamas being out.

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Christmas 2024

Posted on December 26, 2024 by Kelsey

Well, another Christmas Day has just come to a close. The kids were home with their wives and kids, and we all had a good time together. The new little babies were there to give me an appreciation of the passing of time, and the changing of life. Missus was there despite life making a serious effort to prevent her. Our two daughters were there, holding on to our last vestiges of youth. It was a poor Christmas, and the gift exchange was smaller than ever. But it was a rich Christmas, with all there, and all the joy they have brought. Time was in a crunch for all, and I know that we finished some of our wrapping only moments before the presents were unwrapped in the late morning.

There is not a lot to share in many ways, but in the way of the great conversations and the time just being with everyone, that was the best of it all. I got to spend plenty of time with the babies, and I think I best find more balance in the future. These new little babies are sure wonderful! So, it is hard to ignore them, especially as they are so small, and growing so fast. I hate to miss a moment.

My right thumb hurts due to a split on it that feels like a knife stab, and my knuckles are raw on the same hand, so I won’t carry on any longer. I really look forward to laying my head down and drifting well into sleepy land. There is meant to be a storm in the morning. I would be excited, but the weather is not cooperating with keeping the snow, and it will be gone to mud before long. Warm night and Happy New Year!

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Christmas Eve, Eve

Posted on December 24, 2024 by Kelsey

Tonight, we had a knock on the door and when we opened it, there was my wife’s nurse from down at the General Practitioner’s Office, with her husband behind her, and a Christmas Dinner filling both of their arms! We were smackgobbed! She had said she would do it, but to actually look up our address and deliver was so much more than the kind of thoughtfulness one comes to expect. She carried through and delivered. And we had all but forgotten about it. It was no small affair, either! There was plenty on their plates to feed our family. We accepted in a stunned state. I hope that we showed its due gratitude, though I don’t know how we could have. It is such a bright spot after what’s not been the greatest December for us.

Another knock came at the door later, and there stood Roger Stewart, calling me by name, though I could not quite recall who he was at that moment, but I did casually ask. He had a bag of caramel popcorn for us and asked after us. I realize he may have been sent by the people at the Church. Usually, we get invitations to Easter and Christmas, and occasional Ward parties. I cannot answer those, for I cannot be made to believe in their beliefs. But I am happy to accept friendship from any, as long as they can accept that. Roger was fine, and kept it on that level, and I welcome his visit. I am a bit saddened though, as it has been many years that we have lived here, and there have been so few visits from any around here. We have always felt like the outcasts. And I am saddened that I suspect ulterior motives. Keeping it secular will be just fine. And he did, and I am so thankful for his kind stop!

Then I got a text wishing a Merry Christmas from my kid’s school bus driver. I cannot say enough about how amazing the guy is. He was worried about us and how we are doing with mother on the mend. What a great guy! I cannot say so much about him, as he is a genuinely great guy, and I think that it’s best kept private the kindness he has shown my family, as he would never do what he does to show off, but just to be a decent man.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. This year it has come up so fast. It was beyond our capacity to prepare for it. So, we will hobble through it and do the best we can. The early December trip to the hospital, and through nine days of it, has led to a long recovery period here at home. I am to the point where I cannot stay at home anymore. To support us financially, I will need to go to work. I will need to leave Missus here, and I am not comfortable with that. She is still frail. But I will need to reconcile hospital bills and daily expenses, somehow. My earning potential is not half what hers is, even if I were to work two jobs full time. What a lark! But it is my time to shine! However dimly.

I’ll get word out right after Christmas.

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Christmas Flu

Posted on December 23, 2024 by Kelsey

Feeling sickly at Christmastime, again. I am pretty sure we did this last year. Yesterday I woke up feeling like death warmed over. I eventually stumbled down the stairs, and found one of my daughters lay across the sofa, feeling much the same. Two of us down with the flu! Missus lay there recovering from her infection that sent her to the hospital early this month. My other daughter was making some food for everyone to eat and coughing those deep horrible coughs that send crowds of people running. She was the hero of the hour, even though the cough betrayed her as feeling worse than she really was. Thankfully I was able to hold down a few sausages and then go lay back down. When I came down again, I felt like the truck had hit me. It was like that yesterday. There was no joy. There was hardly any movement till afternoon, when I did feel well enough to do some dishes and catch up that ever-growing pile of mess next to the kitchen sink.

Around 7:30 the girls and I started watching A Christmas Story. It has been a couple of years since we have watched it, so it was wonderful to see it again, and remember the nostalgia of the time it was set in, and the time when I watched it as a kid. Obviously, I am too young to remember the time it was set in, but I am familiar with history, and what came before me.

When it finished, I was good and ready for bed. I hate this part, when I am ready to try to move on from being ill and hoping it will pass rather than land back on me. Woke up again at 1AM. I am feeling the residual still. Garrison Keillor is playing on the bedside tablet with The News from Lake Woebegone. A few of the channels on YouTube play edits with music in it, but there are one or two that just have the News only. One of the musical numbers woke me up and sent me down to the loo. It feels warm and dry here in the house. It’s barely cold enough outside to have a fire going in the woodstove right now. Christmastime does not feel like Christmastime. It is too warm, and there is no snow stuck to the ground. Not like I would have expected there to be considering the winter solstice has already passed. The warmth does not feel great alongside the flu.

Time to try to go back to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will feel better.

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