I must have eaten something last night, perhaps the bread, or something else, or a combination of things. But what stands out was the two slices of toast I ate. I know I ate a couple of other things, but that was the one that stood out, even though I had some the other day. I had some carrots too. They are a root vegetable. They are not on my diet. I also drank a bit of milk, and by a bit, I mean quite a bit. I had one of the big mugs full.
The point is, today I felt like I did two months ago, and for so much of my life. I have had a good break from the pain, and now to have it come back on in its full force. It has come with great contrast, and I know better how much pain I have had to put up with in my old normal.
The pain has subsided a bit now. But I am feeling quite weak. The pain was pretty bad. But I remember it being just that when I was fully in this agony before I started the diet. The message here is, I don’t want to go back! To go from pain free to suddenly back in the thick of it, and to feel that contrast, it was pretty bad. I was hurting a lot more than I realized when I was going through it as a matter of course and a regular part of my life.
So, it was a brave venture, and I do need to figure out which it was that caused it. The cooked carrots were not a regular part of my diet before. Bread and milk were. I suspect it was them, or one of them. I am still inclined to think it was to do with the bread. I need to have a break for now and come back to this document when I am feeling better and try at the milk again. I expect zero effects. But honestly, I am not sure as I was never that big on bread before. Still, there is bread in all its other forms.
Missus is playing Dr. Who, and the episode where Rose and the Doctor meet Captain Jack Harkness in WWII is on. There is the child with the gas mask fused to his face, looking for his mother, calling over and again “are you my mummy?” Aliens and robots can come and go, and they can forever go on travelling around the universe all they want in this program, but this one episode hits too close to the reality of actual events as they depict the Blitz in 1941, especially as an actual doctor says, “before this war I was a father and a grandfather, and now I am neither, but I am still a doctor.” Americans act like they singularly beat back the Germans in the war, but it took winter in Russia, and the Brits in Europe to put a stop to them once and for all. We were involved, but so were the French in our Revolution. Britain went through absolute Hell. Children were shipped en mass from London, away from their families to the relative safety of the north, to never see their families again. Old me prepared in “Dad’s Army,” ready to hide while German troops were to pass, then emerge and sabotage after dark with instructions to keep going till they were dead. As much as we in America justify the nuclear bombing of Japan because we knew they would fight till the end, the Germans faced the same prospect against Britain. Where could it have gone?
The sight in the episode of the child in a gas mask, looking for his mother is terrifying because it is in part heartbreaking. There is no count of the number of such children who must have looked and done much the same during that awful war. No doubt someday we will venture down that path again. But we must try so hard to never. To be a pacifist is too passive. We must be in active opposition.