Wow! September 2013 has rolled around! When I was six I was amazed at the math I did that postulated that I would likely be alive to see the years change from dates beginning with 19, to ones that begin with 20. My mother’s checkbook had a line on the checks that looked like this: “19___.” That was my first clue on the Y2K bug, by the way! I started thinking of all the papers with that line on them, and how they would all have to be updated! Mind you, it was 1977, and the only computer I had ever heard of at that point was the ATARI. Well, never mind all of that!
At that time of my life I was being brainwashed into believing in the Apocalypse, and that one of the possible outcomes of my life was to never see this massive date change, but rather, the end of the world. At that time it was speculated that such a catastrophic event would be brought about by an inevitable nuclear war with the Soviet Union. We were all going to die in one massive war, and that was it. Fears were fueled over the pulpit, over the podium, and in everyday conversations. Parents either taught their children, as my mom did me, or allowed their children to be taught by others, as my mom did me.
As the years wore on, I witnessed a lot of things that changed my mind on such matters. More people died in wars, car accidents, and by disease than by any World War, Apocalypse, or by Extinction Level Events. The thought of such things cast a pall of depression over me just to think about!
One thing did keep happening in my life that cast a new light upon my mind, however, and that was sunrise. Yes, the dawn! Every morning as I walked to school, no matter the state of the world, or the state of my mind, the sun just kept on coming up! It might be hidden by the clouds, or it might have been beautified by the clouds, but no matter if I could not see it at all, I only needed to wait a day or a few, and there it was again, right in plain sight, rising up over the horizon, blasting its light across the landscape without a thought or a care of what events had occurred the day before, that would occur during its new day, or might happen tomorrow. The sun was all about today. It had been all about today since it first cast light, whenever that was! It became something I could count on, more than anything in life. That’s when I first leaned my arm on something other than the myths of my family, or of my society.
I am no mental horse. I did not prop myself up and prepare to run. It took a long time to take steps. As a late teen, I often had depression and thoughts of suicide. I would finish work at my first job, bagging groceries, and rather than go home, I would take a drive. These drives led me out of the city, and down dark roads where I would increase the speed of my car to 80 miles an hour or so, click off my seatbelt, and eye up the telephone poles as they flashed by my windscreen. Of all the myths, the fear of Hell may have dissuaded me from killing myself, but none of the myths ever saved me. The only thing that did, the only thing that crossed my mind and reliably argued to me that there was hope beyond my depression was the thought of the morning sunrise. Every day brought hope that things would get better, and hope that things could get better. I also lamented the thought of missing those sunrises, and by my early twenties I began to become greedy for them. As a teen, I was living in a repetitive day long before Bill Murray ever drove Punxsutawney Phil off a cliff in an old pickup truck.
Where am I now? Actually, I am sat in my room, on my bed, looking East towards the rising sun, the light still dim on the horizon as the sun slowly climbs up beyond it. The world has had about 1.6 Trillion sunrises, mostly without me. The ones I have seen have been amazing! And if they carry on as they have, they will continue to be amazing! I have learned to cherish each one, not just because each might be my last, but because each one is mine! Each one brings me new hope. Each one lights my day. Each one is mine to do with as I please! Each one is a new smile on the face of a trusted friend.