Grandma moved out of our place and into a little house in Preston. She is 80, and I do not think that living alone is something she is fit for, however, she is still mentally alert, and I am not in a position to prevent her acting like the adult she is. The whole fiasco around her moving has been just that, and the less said, the better.
So, onto how our lives are changing! Well, we have freed up bathroom and the only tub in the house, so the girls can finally have a bath. We also got a huge closet my wife can store all of her craft supplies in with room to spare! She also gets the bedroom for her crafting, and for an office. It is downstairs, so much cooler in the summers, and better lit. The dining room is free for us to use as we see fit too, and the table and hutch in there will soon be moved out so we can put in a smaller table, and just have the built in hutch. The living room is free too, and we are currently using it as a room for the girls to play in, and the family to relax in. Before, most of that sort of thing was relegated to the upstairs, where again, summer is very hot, and it is unsuited for habitation during daylight hours. Much of the pantry has been cleared out, and the big fridge grandma bought for herself is out of the kitchen, allowing us to put ours in again, rather than keeping it in the pantry. Yes, it is a large pantry, with washing facilities therein. The whole house has been affected, and everything is breathing much easier.
Without us being under grandma’s feet, or grandma being under ours, I think everyone will be able to relax and get on better. One of the difficult aspects of the multi-generational home has been raising children. When an older generation comes in, their expectations and cultural norms come too. The middle generation in the situation is trying to change and improve what the top gen did while raising their family, and the bottom generation can feed on the dissent between them. This creates a morality void in the chasm, which is to say, the bottom generation learns bad habits from the dissent if that dissent is not well managed. Or, in even more practical terms, teenage boys can learn dick-ish behavior from parents and grandparents who disagree with each other. What’s more, moral and ethical upbringing gets sorely misguided when, for example, the religious beliefs of the eldest generation are being taught behind the backs of the middle generation to the five and under of the youngest generation. How does such sleight of hand teach honesty and integrity? How can you teach a child to value honesty and integrity when your methods of teaching them involves deceit? It fails. With grandma moving out, the big elephant in the room is instead now a mouse, and it can be spoken of freely without fear of offense. Our family prefers open and honest communication, where even religion and politics are allowed, and dissent is too. Intelligence is encouraged, and applauded, rather than shunned and scolded as being ‘too big for one’s britches.’
As I write this, a hawk is being harassed by a smaller bird over the pasture outside my window. While I feel like it is metaphorical of the past few years of living with my grandparents, I am sure that who gets the role of the hawk, and who gets the role of the smaller bird is up for debate.
The important thing now is being able to write this, express that things are changing, and that our freedom is no longer impinged, and that we are able to put the past behind us, bury the hatchet, as it were, and move on to a new era. Hopefully that era will be one where grandma’s children will take an active role in assisting her rather than leaving their parents’ care solely to me and my family. We are the only ones who live in the valley, so I do expect to still carry the lion’s share of the burden. Hopefully for that reason alone, Grandma and I will keep a status quo that is peaceful and mature, and not overbearing on each other.
I have a farm, and a family, and my children range from 18 months to 18 years old. I have animals to look after and a livelihood to try to build on this place, eking food from the land, and hopefully enough income to eventually allow my dear wife the freedom to work at what she loves for a share of our needs too. And to that end, it is time to put a line under the past, and move on to a new page in my journal. Literally!
And this concludes the three generation cohabitation era of my life.