The other night I was watching a few clips on YouTube when I came across the stand-up comedian, and thought, I could use a good laugh. Maybe he has got me one. He goes on a bit about Anxiety, and how other people don’t understand it. He says his friends tell him he needs to just drop that shit, then he says, “I wake up with this shit.” then screams. HIs whole story fell apart for me right then and there. I thought, “You SLEEP?”
It is 5:30 in the morning now. I would like to be asleep. I’m not. I don’t know why. I already made my credit card payment, and I have restarted the computer that the weather station is running through, so it is not frozen up anymore, and delivering the weather stats to the Internet. The dogs keep fighting. I hear them barking then going quiet, then barking some more. The girl is deaf, so that never helps. I don’t think she knows she is making noise. The boy is just a jerk to her when he feels like it. That is not helping the sleep.
When I rebooted the computer, it showed we are at 30F even. That was much warmer than I expected given the lows the last few mornings have hit subzero temperatures. We are forecast for snow, and weather like this is sure to deliver it. We are set for up to five days of snow, including today. That’s fine and dandy.
But it leads me back to my anxieties as the snow piles up on this place. I am done running the “farm” without a tractor. I have done everything I can now. I cannot make this place any better without the help of a heavy machine up to the tasks I still need to do, which at this point include the cleaning of the animal pens which have stacked up with hay they won’t eat, and which gets clogged half the summer with ice, and when it thaws is too heavy to move by hand. I have driveway work that needs doing, digging, composting (including that hay from the pens) tilling, a road that needs maintenance as well as the side of it that keeps getting trashed by the canal company, water lines to put in, dead animals that need moving which are too heavy for me to lift, logs to move, and so on and so on… The list goes on a lot longer than this, but whatever. The point is, I am done. I cannot wait another year to get in the seat of a heavy worker. The field work alone requires things I cannot just do with the truck, even if I wanted to. The grass over there is suffering and starting to clog up with weeds. I cannot even spray it from the truck. I am done. I need to get the tool to sort this shit out. Ability to move hay and snow alone would justify it for me, but I am way past that.
Damn dogs are still going at it. Idiots. If they would learn to stop pissing in the house, I could bring them up to the carpeted areas and have them sleep apart. That should stop the barking. I don’t think they need to be making this a habit.
Carolina Cooker sent me a marketing e-mail this morning, so I went to check out their site. They are made in China. Done.
That brings me back to YouTube. Two of my favorite influences on there have both said in their New Year’s videos that they intend to change up their formats. One is a social and political commentator, and the other is an historical re-enactor. The kicker is that both are heading the exact same direction, into the already flooded market of videographers who work in homesteading and self-reliance. They both also are interested in community building and have said they will be working to do as much in their new formats. Both want to see shopping done within the community, where neighbors provide their skills and talents for each other. Both are going anti industrialist and anti-globalist, and into the buy and provide local movement based on their New Year’s declarations. I am eager to see both! I think both will have unique perspectives that I am eager to learn from. Especially interesting is the re-enactor for his historical perspective.
Well, I am far enough into writing this blog now that the keyboard response is beginning to lag a little, which I think is due to memory being used up on the computer. That causes me anxiety. Yay. Time to go back to bed and lay awake thinking on the finances and how to get one of those goddamn tractors onto this farm within a reasonable monthly payment.
One last thing. Seems Coronavirus is getting closer. Lots of people I know of are down with it now. They are people in the work from home community. How does that happen? The weather across the country has gone to shit. The fire in Colorado was shaping up to take aim right at the homes of friends and family there. Betty White died. Seriously? Is 2022 going to be any better? It wouldn’t take much for it to be.