I think the reason 5AM often turns out to be a good time to write here is because I have had a few minutes alone with my thoughts and feel more peace than during the rest of the day when family is making noise and moving about the house with their projects and ideas and plans playing out. I need a bit to wrestle in peace with the things that are going on during a day, or at least a moment to process them.
I got up this morning because nature was whispering to me in my sleep. I walked through the sitting room where the hide-a-bed is folded out for grandson to sleep on, his pile of blankets looking as usual on top, the light on in the room like normal. The child’s gate in the doorway was open though, and that is not normal! I was sure I shut it when I came up to bed. So I checked among the blankets only to find he was not there. I looked in the girl’s room and on top of their cabin beds to see if he had sneaked in there, but no. So he must be with grandma downstairs, I thought. I went down, found that grandma was asleep on her chair in her craft room, and I pulled at the blankets to see if grandson had come and fallen asleep with her in her chair, as has happened before. Nope. He was not in the library, either. Panic time?
When I went back upstairs at last, I looked under the cabin beds, only to find a little head on a pillow, sticking out from a pile of blankets there. Little brat! Luckily, I had found him before I woke the whole family to help me go looking for him!
Okay, these are not thoughts about anything, just musings on a predawn situation. But I have been awake since 3:30, when all this went down. Now it is after 5:00AM, and a good time to take my anxieties back to sleep. And maybe that is the key. Maybe I need to write out my anxieties, and by 5AM, they are fully developed from the time alone with them since going to bed? What a world my head has made for itself!