3AM Stuff

Posted on January 12, 2025 by Kelsey

When I say it is the middle of the night, I mean it is 3AM. It’s a fine time to type up a blog post. After all, who has got a mind at three in the morning? Me? Maybe. I spent yesterday with the kids helping Missus get some stuff organized so she can warp a couple of looms. That cleared a load of stuff out of the library and made the big loom accessible. It was good to just see her up and about and moving around. It was a real step in her healing progress. She did complain of pain, but obviously it was pain she could overcome to do that work, even though she was assigned to sit down while we did all the bringing to and taking from her, it really is progress, both in her, and in the house.

I am in the hunt for a job at the moment. We need to have an income to live on. It is time. But it is not going as I would like just yet. I am trying to find something that will at least balance my time off my feet, as I am not sure I have a full day of being up and about quite in me just yet. Driving is my best option at the moment. I also want time to be at home ant time in the shop. I think there is something there for me, if I can get building. At least, I want there to be.

We have got a couple of decent days in the coming week that would be easy to heat the shop. Perhaps I can get out then. I still need to put a tabletop on the Roman bench so I can work on the front porch. That space heats up nicely. The top would be an easy build. And it will be removable, so I can work at a more comfortable height when needed. I would put its legs into the dog holes on the Roman, then run them up to the top, and put then through there, then put some dog holes in the top itself, making it a work holding piece, too. It would cover about half the Roman, making it so I would sit across the Roman like I was sitting on a horse. Then I would have a push function on the top for planing and such.

But that’s not what I am wanting to work on just this week. I want to finish my chandelier. That is the one that is to be lit with candles. It is sort of primitive but would cast loads of light in a room during a power outage. I seem to have the candles around to do it. I have plans on how to finish the structure in my head. Just need to put tool to wood and get it done.

I have about a month’s worth of firewood on the pile right now, I think. Maybe three weeks. It always depends on how cold it is, doesn’t it? The way this winter has been going, maybe I could last till the end of next winter on what is left! But we are meant to see some highs in the teens a few days in the coming week, towards the end of the ten-day forecast. So maybe it will only last three weeks? I will pile on some more when I can this week. It’s such a weird winter. It snowed, yet there is no accumulation. That is so weird, and so dry to normal. Will Springtime in the Rockies hold something for us? Or are we genuinely going dry and turning to a desert here? It is not looking good for the agricultural situation here, if you ask me. But then, I have done nothing but pay attention to weather for the last 12 and 1/2 years here. It’s kind of been my thing in order to understand everything about the place that I can, as best I can.

For reasons of insanity, I need to get the door fixed on the mini-shed I built. It is too wide to close right now. All to do with the wood expanding in the winter weather. It is not off by much. But I can either hand plane the corner down that is stopping it closing or even hit it lightly with the chainsaw. Just need to knock down that one little bit to get it to shut again. Small detail, but should I be building anything to sell, that is a mistake I don’t want to make.

I am going to go back to sleep soon. I just made the mistake of putting on a video by Bloomberg which is discussing the coming tariffs. I don’t have any confidence in this scheme at all. It looks like the intent is total economic isolationism. If they are imposed, I think it will all but end international trade for this country. That is going to hurt us a lot more than it will bother anyone else. China will take over the rest of the world as they trade with every place we have left a vacuum. I seriously think that if everything is implemented on trade and immigration, we are going to see near feudalism coming. The interviewee on this program is Paul Krugman, a Nobel Prize winner and he is not looking forward to what is coming. So, I don’t think my fears are misplaced. He has called US healthcare a nightmare. We have a much larger welfare state than we like to imagine. The retirement system is pretty good. But there are things where we should be doing more, that are obviously on hold for the next few years. Our problem in the US is that we don’t learn from other countries that do things right. He also is calling the US economy right now in very good shape. It has 1999 vibes right now. So, let’s see what comes of new policy. He sees us having stagflation coming with the new policies, and the books will be cooked to look better than it really is. He has said to bookmark this, and watch. I agree. The man once cooked a weather forecast.

Right. Off to bed.

Posted in Candle Making, Journal Entry, Weather, Woodshop | Comments Off on 3AM Stuff

A Title to End All Titles

Posted on January 8, 2025 by Kelsey

It is frustrating that I went to college for the better part of four years in pursuit of a bachelor’s degree in Photojournalism in the end, but because of not being able to finish due to what? Financial difficulties! I was not certified at any level along the way. There is no value to the years I spent because I don’t have any kind of degree, even an associate. So, all those liberal arts courses, the studies in World History, Western Civilization, Politics, Philosophy, Oceanography, all mean nothing. They are just a pile of classes I once took. But they don’t amount to a hill of beans when looking for a job. “Her eI sit all broken hearted! Paid my penny and only farted!” What does living in the UK for eight years add up to in job experience that would get me hired for anything in Preston, Idaho? There is a lot of manufacturing and production. I am no good at that as despite having overcome a great deal of joint pain that I have had all my life, I still have only a certain tolerance for standing and walking and moving about. Whatever talent I have is on the verge of being lost to looking for some menial job while I pay bills. And believe you me, the powers that be, the oligarchy, they don’t give a toss. Best I have got is to work what I can at something that is a bit forgiving, then do what I can in my wood shop with talent. I want work/life balance. I want time with my wonderful family. That is irreplicable! I never worked out what my total time spent in college was, but it adds up to around three and a half years on heavy scheduling. So, the coursework completed, credits taken, may be over four.

The first year I had to get special permission to take my classes. Eighteen units was full-time, and more than that was considered more than full-time. I took twenty-six credits that first semester, and I think only one class less than that the next. But that was me, then. Trying to catch up for a late start into higher education.

So, here I am, fifty-three, and looking for work in a mountain valley. I have a place to live, and hobbies, and people to involve my life in. My age is against me. The fact I spent the last twenty years raising kids is against me. Incompletion in college is against me. And a few other things, too.

I put in an application to drive the school bus for the local district that my kids attend. I would have thought that was a good fit, giving me a chance to maybe take the kids with me on the route, then to and from school as a part of that. I liked the idea of working morning and afternoon, then having the middle of the day free to build up my own business. I liked the idea of having my evenings with my kids. But the job requires a class B license with a passenger endorsement, and getting that, apparently requires about $1,500. I don’t yet know if that is training or licensing, but I think so far that the license is only about $30. So maybe that is training that the district is not willing to cover. They are likely looking for retired truck drivers. But for me, it works out to basically a no. Though I would benefit from getting the license and feeling more confident about hauling my logs and tractor around. Then I could be more confident in hiring out for tractor jobs around town, and getting some day work that way. It is hard to get it locally, because I live where having a tractor is all but mandatory, and everyone help each other. It’s the folks up in town that need the help, and I could provide best for.

So, now I am considering pizza. Yup, back at that again. Generally quick money from tips, decent money from tips and wages, and of course, hard on a car and hard on an insurance policy. Not ideal. But I may have to take the chance on doing that. I would like about 30 hours a week, and still able to be there for the kids. But I would lose evenings without a doubt. The best money comes in the evenings. Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays are good. That’s if nothing much has changed in the business. Maybe we will see, unless some other opportunity presents itself. But I will need to drop in an application soon. Money is not an unlimited resource.

Next trick is to build up a business of my own. If I can get that going, then the following action is to reduce to just the business. My business. So, it works, or it doesn’t. But I have got to try. One life to live, and all that.

Even now I am sat here in the morning, typing. I am sore. I know why. I had burgers last night, and they had bready buns. Bread is poison to my joints. It doesn’t seem to take much to get me feeling off, tired, and like it is hard to move about. Between the effects of bread and milk, I have worked out a lot of what has been wrong with me all my life. Keep those out, and I can do a pretty healthy run through the days of my life. Better mobility, less frequent trips to the loo. I have got this. But last night I had two burgers, and the bread on those has knocked me low this morning. At least I know why!

Pacific Palisades is on fire right now in California. My beautiful home state is on fire yet again. It is how it is going to go forever more. Soon enough we will get another complaint that if only the people of California would just go rake leaves, the fires would not happen. I have heard it before. It was just about the stupidest thing I have ever heard, and it is so hard to believe what it pays to be the idiot that says such nonsensical BS! You got time to go catch a bus out to the sticks and rake leaves in an uneven landscape, to put them… where? And do it while not accidentally starting a fire among you and your crews? Yeah, good times! Not at all realistic. But it pays something like $400,000 a year to stand there like an idiot and suggest that like someone should be taking it seriously.

I hate seeing California burn. It is such a beautiful place. I remember being there when Baldwin Hills burned, and a load of houses were lost. That is scary stuff. I drove through Santa Barbara burned in ’90, and some 300 houses were lost then. Paradise was an omen of things to come. The frequency of fires is getting faster, and then there are earthquakes to boot. On top of all that, there was that tropical storm that just about made it ashore as a hurricane a couple of years back. Mudslides and riots are also a thing there, and if you have ever been on any Los Angeles freeway, at all, then you know about what an unnatural disaster that is. But as for me, I am taken by that shoreline. Put my just about anywhere on it, and I am a happy fellow!

Today I need to get the firewood going. We are nearly out, and hey! Look at that! It is January 8th! Over two months of winter left! Just about how long we have been burning already. Then there will be the time required for Spring warmup. Will that come early, and summer be over hot again? Or will it be one of those wet springs where we get a huge pile of snow? I don’t know how I feel about predictions right now. Take it and see.

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Merry Times!

Posted on January 8, 2025 by Kelsey

We attended the virtual meeting with the doc in Salt Lake and got a good report from her about Missus’ progress and healing. She has a little way to go, but it should be manageable, and the doctor anticipates good results. Without going into full details, it was a good report overall, and had promise for her future. So, however bad it was, things should be on the up and up, now. So, I am excited! Damn Excited! That was a scary episode!

Driving a school bus does in fact require a commercial driver’s license. Shows how much I know where I thought that because the school bus is on two axles, it would qualify under a class C. It doesn’t. At 26,001 and above it qualifies for a class B, and with more than 16 people on board including the driver, it qualifies for a P endorsement. The cost, according to the kids’ bus driver to get that license is $1,500. Don’t sound like the school would cover that. I cannot. But I will look through the manual and see if that is the cost of driving education or the price of the licensing fee. I will read the manual through and get to where I can pass the test either way, as it won’t hurt me to know since I have a trailer and a tractor that is heavy to ride on it. I’d rather have the additional skill.

So it is back to the job hunt again, looking for something that will produce a valid work/life balance and enough money to eat on. I need to have some time off my feet if I am going full time. So that’s where driving is appealing to me. Well, and other reasons, too. I love the office with a panoramic view of the city, reclining bucket seats, and my own sound system. I just don’t care for the wear and tear on my own vehicle. And that’s what puts me off it, especially for now. I’d end up having to get a new, or much newer car. I don’t want the expense. I don’t want the commitment.

Bedtime is in twelve minutes, and it is 21.3°F out right now. I am going to get the fire in the stove going then go to bed and dream of what to do with Greenland. After all, I can’t think of anything yet.

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A Decent Day

Posted on January 7, 2025 by Kelsey

Time for bed. I am happy with how the day went. Missus is feeling a bit better and was able to do some work on some of her looms. I went out to the shop and did some cleaning up and I also fixed the Roman workbench. That took turning a leg with a tenon, putting a cut down it with the grain, then hammering it in followed by wedging it. It was a good time! I really enjoyed it. I sanded the leg, but that did not take much work. It was pretty good off the skew. The tenon was too large by the time I had cut the scrap off the end. So that took a little work with a spokeshave. But it came out pretty good. It went right in with a few blows from the hammer. I didn’t use a mallet. You know, a person gets out of the shop for a bit and the obvious slips out of his mind.

I spoke to the girls’ bus driver very briefly today. He said he would talk to the boss tomorrow when he is back in work. That was so nice of him to say. I would be quite happy with that. I am not sure when they are hiring, so that will be important to find out.

It is going to get below 20F tonight and all the way down to 8F tomorrow night. The winter cold is finally coming! I opened Facebook today for a moment. It showed me a memory on my timeline in the form of a picture of January 5th, 2017. There was well more than a foot of snow on the house, I think. We are clear outside today. Nothing significant to show. It has been too warm for the snow that has fallen to stay. Amazing.

So, that’s the significant stuff for today. I have to get to sleep now. The End.

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Warming Up

Posted on January 6, 2025 by Kelsey

It is one hour before time to wake up and get ready for taking the girls to school and getting back to work on getting some work. Missus wants to get her shop ready to open. I will be glad to see her feeling well enough to try it. It’s been a hard time since just over a month ago, now. Worst scare of my life. I feel like a dog with his tail between his legs just trying to write anything about it. Too scared it will happen again! So, I want to just tuck tail and run and hide. That being said, and out of the way, here goes some other thoughts for a Monday morning lying in bed before getting up time.

This winter has been the warmest I have experienced since moving to Idaho. Remembering the first time I spent anything like winter here was November 2001. I remember listening to the weather broadcast from the government run station on a little radio in what is now the craft room. It had a daybed in it at the time, and I was lay facing the wall, cool white light reflecting dimly from the window. The wind was blowing and snow coming down. It was surreal to me, sitting in an almost century old house somewhere in a mountain valley under some of the heaviest weather I had experienced in many years. I felt vulnerable at that time, and the weather was reminding me that I was. It was bitter cold. This year, by contrast, it has not been anything like that yet, and we have made it past November, December, and are now a week into January. I am in the same house. But maybe it is the woodstove and the firewood outside that keeps the feeling of vulnerability away. The power can go out, and I am fine with it. It is also unlikely to happen anyway because the power poles on our street have been replaced and are more reliable than back then.

The worst thing that I did not anticipate in the yard from the weather warming has been the mud. We have been told for a while now that the weather is warming. This winter is suddenly much warmer. The summer before it was not cool. The summer was so dusty! The winter is so muddy! I would be a lot better off if the grass were back in the yard thick and lush. But with dry summers, I would have to be willing to throw water all over it, and I cannot justify it. It is impossible to see the reasons to put water all over the yard when it is needed for drinking and such at a much higher priority. So, I let the lawn die. The yard is extra muddy where there is no grass. I think it would be very helpful to get gravel put on the work areas of the yard, then not have mud where I do things like split logs or cut them.

It is 5:30 in the morning on January 6th, 2025. Five in the morning is typically the coldest time of the day. “What’s that smell?” “5AM.” – Laura Croft, Tomb Raider. It’s 31.7 degrees outside. It is about thirty degrees warmer than I would anticipate it to be based on the years I have lived here. That’s where we are at. Will it continue to warm in future months? Weeks? Who knows! But if it does, and at the rate it has been warming, the future is questionable.

Ash heaps. -The Great Gatsby.

The kids are ready for school, apart from getting up and getting dressed. They have their lunches ready, and cleaned up yesterday, ready for today’s activity. I need to make sure the alarms are all on. I honestly cannot remember waking up once to the alarms in the morning at my bedside. I am awake early for it, so no biggie today. But I also need to make sure the alarm on my phone will remind me at the time when I need to go pick them up. Today is a pretty easy day since that is all that is actually on my schedule. I need to see to it that we are working out Medicaid application in Idaho. I need to see to it that I am looking for a job or two. I also need to get a lamp made in the workshop, a leg for a workbench, and maybe start on a table I’d like to build. Then there is the firewood pile, which could use some effort.

My diet is coming along, still. I was actually complimented on it last week. Amazing! I feel better. I also am having a hard time eating things that are not in its narrow spectrum. I am having a hard time eating what’s in it, too. But that is for different reasons. Eating out of it hurts. Eating in it is getting a bit boring. So there we are. I think sausages and eggs would be good enough for breakfast today. Probably won’t eat much again till suppertime. I am actually enjoying wearing my overalls. The only bad part is where the straps hang on my shoulders. That gets a little painful at times. Otherwise, they are great, and the weight changes don’t bother a beltline. So that’s nice. My belt on my trousers were getting ridiculous. I have not put it on in so long, I don’t know where I would be on that old faithful rule of measure. But I suspect it would be pretty hard to keep up at this point. The belt and trousers were getting awkward when I last put them on.

Okay, I am five minutes till the alarm goes off and tries to wake me up. Instead, it is going to get me off this keyboard. I best get ready for it. I am making progress. My cynicism is getting under control for a minute. So that’s good. Now, off I go to put myself to work. Ta.

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Stress Points

Posted on January 4, 2025 by Kelsey

I was listening to a Dave Allen skit from 1993, and he briefly mentioned a list of the most stressful things on a person, and the number one item was ‘death of a spouse.’ then there was divorce, and some other things. Wherever he got his list, it did not include serious health scare of a spouse. That one was not there at all. I would like to submit it for addition to the list to whomever wrote it. A spouse does not have to actually pass to scare holy hell out of a person. Just act like she may head towards the bean can, and a guy can really shit himself. My mom dies in 2016, and man, that hurt. This is the closest I have come since to feeling like that. Right now, things are slowly on the up and up. It has been a long road to recovery, but we are slowly getting there. On the other hand, it can reoccur, and it can require further correction.

There is a great Spirit in the Sky somewhere in Intermountain Heath that is making decisions on treatment, and what to do. The decisions are expensive and stressful, and we have a pile of bills mounting up that is more than we can think of paying on our own at this point. Decisions are based on things like scans, and blood panels, and so forth. They are made without face-to-face consultation and feel very impersonal. It is like a fleet manager telling some chap in the shop that the truck needs a transmission overhaul. He’s never personally seen the truck. He just looks at driver’s reports and makes the decision. The truck gets the service, and that’s that. Not that trucks feel anything about it, but that’s kind of the point. People do. And in this case, they also feel as though everything they own is being drained away from them to much wealthier people while they consider where to put that old travel trailer to live out their lives in.

Then there is the issue of my social and family situation. I live far away from anybody I really give a toss about, and anyone I ever felt gave a toss about me. So that plays into this. Life has been long, and not all of these people have even met my wife, even though we have been married for more than twenty years. But here I am going through hell, and I hear the words, and the lack of words that I get. That translated into caring, or lack of it. And that hurts. I have felt so alone this last month, and so scared. I have had just about nobody check up on me. There have been I think, four or five notable exceptions, and those people are so near to my heart for simply asking something like, “how are you holding up?” Or” how are things going?” They are simple statements. But just ask, and pretend to care, and you can win a person’s heart. Leave a fella in the rough without simply doing that kind of little gesture, and he notices.

It’s not nosey to ask. It is just courteous and caring to want to know things are going okay. But when people say the world has changed, I think this might be kind of a part of it. Folks don’t even know how to extend this kind of common courtesy. I know that customer service has gone to the dogs, and that everything seems to be a scam, and now I know for sure that people seem to not care about anything outside of their tiny little circles or things that are not on their Social Media feeds. But this is fucking ridiculous! It’s not like I am asking for visits and flowers to be sent and so on. Just a word or two, “how are you guys doing?” And the patience to hear a short description. It’s not much to show you care.

So, here we are, moving forward. It is a very slow, and painful process. I don’t want to belabor that point too much, though you probably stopped reading way up the page when you realized there was emotion in this post. That’s been my experience, anyhow. Cynical. I know. But it is a part of the American medical system that when a person risks losing their life, they also get to lose damn near everything else instead. And the only way out of it all is to die. The only thing left is to hope the people who care for you will do so anyway, rather than leaving you on the step. And to that end, so far, I cannot fault the people who have been helping us, at all. They have tarried on. And we will no doubt do everything we can to repay them. I have no idea how just yet, but every penny I can give voluntarily will be a thank you. It’s when we get to legal extraction and force that my gratitude will become bitter. But in the meant time, while things are going on as if from outer space, things are improving for my Missus. And that sure matter a lot to me!

I could now go on to belabor the point that She is my everything. But from Shakespeare to Steele, I think it has been told. There are shelves of books dedicated to how two people can feel about each other. She is my all-of-that. I remember when she used to travel out of town for work. It stressed me out. I have never worried once about her heart straying. I have never felt she might get on a flight and not return. I have never felt like there was anything more natural than being with her, even if that is her in the next room doing her own thing. Just being there is like just having my heart beating inside me. I don’t get angry about all the noise of my heart pounding inside me. It is just a natural thing. I think I would be nuts without it. That’s how it is with her. I get frustrated with her craft messes and I don’t care for the constant noise of the TV running. But when I know it is her responsible for it, then fine, whatever. Not having it all is not a viable alternative. Move on. There are more important things to worry about, like, “honey, would you like a cup of tea?” Far more suitable thing to put my mind to.

So here are my points of stress right now. The most important being the health of she who is most important to me, and the feeling that more people should care. I shouldn’t have to shout it. Some of the most important news comes on a whisper, and on a breath that can barely speak. And some of the most important words are the ones of encouragement that are spoken in return. It doesn’t have to be on CNN or MSNBC to be important. It doesn’t have to be on Facebook or X-Twitter to be worthy of a like or a comment or a share.

Come Monday I plan to be on the hunt for a job or two. I hope for a situation that will give me time to develop my own business and continue to help Missus with hers. Yes, the horse is out of the gate, and now I have to chase it down. But I need something that will produce an income. So here I go. I have a couple of things I am looking into right now. One is basic, and gives me time in the day, if I can get it. The other is contract and will come up when I am notified. But it is photography work, and that is opportunity. I need that. I need it if for nothing else, but to be doing something in the business. Monday is my day to stop tapping and to start knocking firmly on doors.

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Finding Some of Me

Posted on January 4, 2025 by Kelsey

We went in to sort out a procedure that took fluid out of Missus that did not belong in her. In all, 1100ml of the stuff that was between her lung and the sac it is contained in. Goodness! It was shocking! It was also perhaps the first procedure to correct anything that has been wrong with her since the whole process began back at the beginning of December. The rest has been antibiotics and checks to see if everything is going okay on the dose she has been on. There has been a lot, and it has been honestly hellish. The woman went through one of the more painful things a human can experience. She has said it was far worse than childbirth. I don’t want to disclose all the details, just say, this is the kind of thing that has been going on, and it has been extremely stressful. It was a non-traumatic event, and very unexpected.

The point I do want to express is that I have taken little time for myself, really, since this all began. I mean, I have tried to get a little time here and there to relax some. But after today’s procedure, and the almost welcomed sight of so much fluid coming out of her and relieving stress on her, we came home and she took a nap, and I put on some mindless YouTube video about someone building a cabinet out of wood. I watched that and a couple of others and just let my mind relax and a sense of almost relief wash over me. Not real relief because there is still more to figure out. But it was again, good to see something done to help her.

The kids are away, and the room was quite with just me in it. I shut off all the lights throughout the house and just enjoyed the peace. And while I did update some family and friends on what happened, and that it was a positive thing, I did otherwise let it go for a spell. And that is the point. Getting to where one can relax oneself and feel human and remember who they are is a part of reducing the stress. Would I have felt better if I had gone out to the woodshop? Perhaps so! I would have felt colder, too. So, I didn’t do that.

It’s been about a month now since that day I came home after getting a message asking to take her up to the ER. It has been a tough month. I know it could have been personally a lot worse if life wanted it to be. I have seen several people around us have been through worse. There have been terrible things afoot too near to home, and my heart has broken several times while dealing with our own problems. A rare one of the people near us in our neighborhood is with her brother in hospital while he is going through worse, so we found out today when we ran into her in the hospital cafeteria. What a heartbreak to see that!

Our next steps are confusing. We have medical steps to take. But I also need to come up with some sort of income, too. There are going to be a lot of bills to pay, and we aren’t going to get any help doing it. That’s a whole other level of stress that I can’t yet figure out. I have been a stay-at-home father for so long, and I am not prepared to just jump into some decent paying job and run away with the bill payments. I am going to have to get busy, instead, and crawl away with the payments.

Well, I am going to go back to my relaxing, and maybe even find some of my woodworking books and get them out and ready to start perusing and reading. Might be nice to at least have this weekend, before it all goes to shit again on Monday. Ha ha! But who knows? Maybe I’ll get a call about one of those jobs I have been looking into! That would help! I could start that day!

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My Best Friends

Posted on January 3, 2025 by Kelsey

In the 1980’s, when I was a teenager boy, my grandmother took me aside on more than one occasion and told me that the thing my mother did wrong with all her kids was to be a friend, rather than being a parent. Grandma was from a different generation though, and she had sait to me many times growing up that ‘children are to be seen and not heard.” Yup, I was to have the input and opinion of a pet. Well, I grew up with mom, and whatever it was that she was doing wrong, I may have felt it was okay at that time. After all, I was one of the kids that my mom was wrongly being friends with. Grandma’s point was that mom was not strict enough in her discipline and she was not willing to take a firm stand on what her kids’ choices.

Now I am grown up and have kids of my own, I wonder what grandma would have to say? Am I friends with my kids? am I weak as a parent? Am I not firm enough? I’m not sure. What I am sure is that gentleness is strength, and I always want to be gentle with my kids, and kind. They don’t always do what they are asked to do, and that takes patience, and sometimes yes, a firm voice. What kid grows up without a stout lecturing now and then? Mine are no exception. But my kids are my best friends. There’s not a person I can think of that I would rather spend time with. Christmas and Thanksgiving are always my favorite times of the year because all the kids show up, and they bring spouses and their own kids, too. I have spent the last 20 years in the sole dedication of raising these kids, and bring them up with a sensible head, and a good sense of humor. Anyone could say to me, “but Kelsey, you are kind of nuts!” They’d be right. But I believe my brand of insanity comes with a certain good decision-making ability, and the sense to stay clear of harmful things and substances, that has always served me well. So far, so good with the kids. Oh, there have been mistakes along the way for all of us. But does a person get back on their feet? That’s what matters!

I don’t mind being a fried to my kids. I hope that the greatest share of the time I will spend with them is while they are adults. If I am to raise adult people who make adult decisions, then that starts now, helping them to make good decisions. And if they are going to be kind and thoughtful adults, then that also starts now. I can best deliver that in a friendly manner.

Posted in Family Time, Journal Entry, Memories, Regular Update | Comments Off on My Best Friends

A Little Positivity

Posted on January 2, 2025 by Kelsey

I have been particularly negative for the last few weeks. My best friend has had a serious health scare, and it has done nothing positive for me to see her going through it. I have spent a lot of time on the keyboard writing for this very blog and found myself just completely unable to post what I had keyed up because there was nothing nice to say about anything. It was me feeling low. Very low. But I remembered what my mom used to say about saying nice things, and instead of posting them, I saved them to draft or deleted them altogether. Negativity is easy to come by in this world. Especially in written media. There is high profit in it.

I decide to print beneficial rather than profitable. Trying to find something good in such an event in one’s life sometimes is more like the dog startled by the rabbit running out of a hiding hole in front of it, than it sniffing its trail out in the woods. Yesterday was a pretty good day. She seemed fairly good on pain management, keeping it down with just over the counter painkillers. She had more energy, and I saw more of her awake and doing things. We have the promise of her appointment this week putting her into a better condition with the removal of excess fluid that is built up inside her. So hopefully next week will be even better for her. Also, she was able to get through without having to ask much help from me, assuring me that should I be travelling off from home each day for some kind of work, she will be able to get through her day okay. It’s like hearing all of those calls, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up,” back in the ’90’s made me nervous now. I don’t want her left in a state. But you know how it is when someone means as much as air does to you.

I got a couple of pieces made for a project I am started on yesterday, which is a clear sign that the depression that has come to me with this event is being managed. I am building a wooden chandelier with beeswax candles as the light source. I want one that will easily hang and cast off a lot of light as compared to one of my candle lanterns or a single candle stick. It will hold four candles when it is done and could be easily modified for eight. That would just be twice as much work! Nothing to it! I’d like to see about putting a few of these together once the prototype is done and selling them from the shop. Maybe even the online shop, too! But either way, I am happy to have done this as an accomplishment for myself, proving once again, anything I want, I can make most of it myself now. That’s what is of personal value to me. And that is certainly one for the positivity books!

The whole homestead has been about drawing the line between self-reliance and reliance. There are some things that are just impractical to try to be able to make for yourself. I think a horse would be able to manage a lot of my transportation, for example, but to get to everywhere we would ever need to go in the month, and to do it in a practical amount of time, that is nigh on impossible. So a car comes into it. I can neither build that, nor maintain it without parts, nor be able to fuel it up without the help of the local gas station. So, there is just one of many examples of what has still got to be outsourced. Even if some amazing car company came along and made it possible for parts to be printed on a home 3D printer, one would still require buying filament. I can’t make a mechanical washer or dryer, either. I could do it all by hand! And if the machines we have got break, it may come to that. But there is a job for outsourcing, just like the building of the stand mixer, the stove, and so on. A person has to decide where they can drop these kinds of items, and where he cannot, and then commit to the time required to run without them. We dropped forced air heating a long time ago now, and the whole job now requires me to go get firewood and bring it back to the house, then cut it all up and split it and make it fit into the woodstove every summer. I have to provide enough to last all winter and ideally would be producing more than we require. Mistakes have been made, and I should have bought a high-speed log splitter so that could be easily accomplished. Instead, the machine I have currently is slow and steady, and it is difficult to get through even a cord, which a few machines can do in an hour. I mean seriously! That would make the winter’s wood something I could do in a day, rather than taking me weeks now. The profitability would work out somewhere in the $2500 to $3500 in wood I could split each day. I could not keep myself in logs at that rate. And if a person could sell that kind of wood, at a rate of, say, $3500 a week, that would certainly be enough to call oneself self-reliant, even if they were buying washers and dryers every month. That’s what I should be doing, isn’t it?

Wood really is the simplest route to self-reliance for me, isn’t it? I could get things sorted out for that fairly easily if I get this family on its feet and working just enough to cover the bills for the New Year. I have applied to drive bus for the local school district. I think it would pay enough to keep us fed and the lights on but would also give me enough time in the day to keep working on getting the businesses off the ground. My quickest route to that this year would be to process firewood, and trees as planned all this last year. I have even got the means to put lights up over my workspace now should I need to work after dark. There is enough to start, and with my stupid joints feeling so much better, there is no excuse. To that end, the joints still get sore from being up and about too much. But their default is not pain, like it has been for so many years. I have been free of the pain long enough now to feel confident in that. Oh, and on one last note about this, I would really do to get some gravel down where I work, so I can work in the “mud seasons” too. The winter being as warm as it is right now, this is a very limiting factor.

I tried to start the log splitter the other day. It would not go. I did not give it one of those mechanical efforts, to be honest. It was just a few pulls on the cord with the choke on, and the choke off and the choke on again. I probably could have opened the air filter and shot in some starter fluid and got it going. But I was not making a sincere effort to do it and just gave it a try. I’ll need it running soon. There is nowhere near enough wood to get through the winter split up and on the pile. No, instead, I will have to cut up the tree I dropped in the back yard a few weeks ago. It was dead-standing and is plenty dry for burning already. I have a good deal more wood than that tree, too. I could cut up more as needed, but I should start with that tree, and the wood that is lay ready to be finished in the Service Yard. That would be enough, I am sure. There is a cold spell coming. If I can work till tomorrow evening though, I would be doing really well. I won’t be able to, as all of that time is already committed, so I think I will miss that chance and have to work in the cold, instead. That’s my own fault for putting off too long what I should have got at already.

I think one thing that could help me is to put in a daily exercise routine that I could follow, at least, and maybe even get my daughters involved. The need to witness the benefit. Right now, they have no idea how much better it feels to get moving each day. I have an old video that does just enough in a mere ten minutes to make a person feel like moving and tackling the day from the onset if it is done first thing in the morning. It’ll never take more than that. I don’t think a regular heavy workout is my style, but a daily quick one is enough to get me moving all day, and that is a far cry better than sedentariness. It is what would keep a person fit just by getting them doing more everyday activities after. So, Happy New Year?

Okay, so here we are, eight paragraphs into a bit of writing. And they are not little sissy paragraphs, either. These are a few righteous ones. It’s been a good writing exercise, and I have kept positive throughout. That is absolutely remarkable. I need to talk to that lady that lives with me, that I am crazy about. She really does affect my wellbeing a little. She goes to crap and so does my whole attitude. But I have hope that she is going to see improvement after tomorrow’s medical appointment. If they can reduce her pain and make her more capable of getting up and moving around, and ease her breathing, then that’s huge progress. I know from my own body problems of the past that being limited in what one can do compared to what one’s mind can think up wanting to do is very depressing. I hate seeing her going through that. But she really does seem to be on the mend, so that is something positive, at least. I know there is still possibility for relapse, but I think we are going to be able to spot it before it gets so bad this time. She knows what to look out for. I don’t want to get my hopes up too soon. That’s my natural disposition, but we are trying to actively manage the situation, and who knows? Maybe we will get lucky?

And on that note, I am off to sleep the last of my sleep now, before the day comes along and requires me. Just one more hour would do it. Then We will be helping Missus sort her shop back together for operation and readying her to open up again. Maybe it will draw someone in who has made it their New Year’s resolution to come by and actually stop in. In all the year last year, only one person has stopped in and shopped. We hope to beat that this month.

Posted in Journal Entry, Special Update, Weather, Woodshop | Comments Off on A Little Positivity

2024 – 2025 New Year

Posted on January 1, 2025 by Kelsey

As we say goodby to 2024, and Hello to 2025, I wish everyone a Happy New year.

I know on a practical level that is a ridiculous statement. There will continue to be war and hate and murder and so on. But dammit, I would like it all to stop, and maybe it is a good enough time to say let’s let it all go, shake hands with the people we see around us every day, and welcome peace. That would be the hopeful wish that follows my Happy New Year. Say goodbye to greed and selfishness and let the truly important things matter in their place. The world is not dreamy right now, and things appear to be spiraling down. But let’s hope things do get better instead, and let’s hope that if we are going to fight, instead of fighting each other, we fight poverty and hunger, and oh, while we are at it, let’s eat the rich.

Right. That will be my brief New Year message for this year. Let it be, and again, have a Happy and healthy New Year. Let it bring you goodness, prosperity, and health and wealth and love. May it be the best year you have ever had by far.

Posted in Journal Entry | Comments Off on 2024 – 2025 New Year